and also the care group covenants... 1) the covenant of affirmation and acceptance : I pledge to accept you no matter what you have done, are doing, or will do. I may not agree with your every action, but i will attempt to love you as a child of God and do all i can to express God's affirming love. I need you. 2) the covenant of feedback : I will attempt to mirror back to you what i am hearing you say and what you are feeling. If this means risking pain for either of us, I will trust our relationship enough to take the risk, realising it is in speaking the truth in love that we will grow up in every way into Christ who is the head. I will try to express this feedback in a sensitive and controlled manner, in keeping with the circumstances. 3) the covenant of honesty : i agree to strive to become more open and honest person, to share my true opinions, feelings, struggles, joys and hurts... as well as i am able. i will trust you with all my dreams and problems. 4) the covenant of sensitivity : even as i desire to be known and understood by you, i pledge to be sensitive to you and your needs to the best of my availability. i will try to hear you, see your point of view, understand your feelings, and draw you out of possible discouragement or withdrawal. 5) the covenant of availability: everything i have - time, energy, possessions - is at your disposal if you have a need... to the limit of my resources. as a part of this availability, i pledge to meet with you in this group on a regular basis. 6) the covenant of prayer : i promise to pray for you regularly. 7) the covenant of confidentiality : i would keep whatever is shared within the confines of this group. however i acknowledge that our pastor is the shepherd of the flock, and we need o be accountable to him. i vow not to push you to share things about yourself that you would prefer to keep undisclosed. this will be my covenant to the people around me, especially my care group members..

i was reading the CLC1 book.. i chanced upon this.. characteristics of covenantal relationship found in DMM: courageous, persevering, full commitment, recognise God's anointing through covenantal friendship, spend time together, loyal, willing to sacrifice, not take advantage, trust, love and appreciation..

there one incident.. i just wanna blog about it.. my paternal side, i have 3 cousins of about the same age, who i am closer to.. they are aloysius, nigel and eleanor.. of these 3, nigel and eleanor are christians.. nigel is a strong christian.. eleanor, i didn't really find out much.. i tried inviting aloysius down to services / mcgs many times, but always got rejected, plus he is totally shut off to the idea of christianity.. i am really concerned about his salvation.. so yesterday or a few days ago, i was telling nigel about this.. He said what we can do is only to pray.. just a short convo.. He makes me feel that i am really not alone in this.. ya.. so i really thank God for this.. nigel is a testimony.. he really changed a lot after he became a christian, and his siblings and relatives saw the difference.. this coming 31st, there will be a gathering at one of my aunt's house.. gonna see him there.. so i am gonna ask him share to me how God has changed him.. omg.. i am so excited now!! =)

i wanna be a part of the march of the unqualified.. no one is perfect.. God uses those the weak, so that when he is strong, he can boldly say that it is God who made him strong, and also it will be more evident to the others around.. i have many many flaws in life.. but i really really want God to use me.. God, show me how i can serve you more.. in the area of pioneering, i really dunno what to do.. i am really very confused.. in camp, u told me, that i should pioneer, cuz i have to step out of my comfort zone, and courage, and i can use the little that i have.. i don't have much qualities, i'm aware of that.. what's stopping me is availability and lack of evangelism know-how.. i know these shouldn't stop me.. but i just can't help worrying.. from now, i am gonna ask til i receive an answer to all these.. =) God uses imperfect vessels.. God just told me.. He will equip me with whatever i need, so long as i have the faith..

anyway, zhu yin is sick.. so please pray for her, that she will recover by tml, and able to come for service.. through difficulties, it will increase her faith to a greater height..

i am so amazed by God.. He amazes me just everyday.. today one is like wow! God uses ppl to speak into your life.. because of one incident, i added rui xian in msn.. He really got gift of discernment.. for 2 days, the things he says is like wa-how-you-know.. before i added him, i dunno him very very well, like never share life with him de la.. cuz he's not in my cg.. but then, he said things that he wouldn't know.. cuz i never told him annything abt that before.. so i asked him how he know.. he said it was the holy spirit who prompted him.. and i have to agree, it's clearly the holy spirit.. especially for today, this particular topic we were talking about( i shan't say it out).. it's like he knew it.. whereas for the others who know about this- shee ting, nicole, michelle and cai xuan- is i told them de.. but rui xian just guess it right.. i was super shocked at that moment, but didn't express out.. but one thing for sure, it's God.. God is showing me something that perhaps i haven't realise.. so, i will continue praying about it, till God show me.. yep..

i read my past few posts.. it's kinda meaningless.. and why have i not post for a long time? first it's cuz i was too caught up with work, fail to put God in the centre and am too tired for anything else.. But God, i will balance my life well with u in the centre.. please keep me accountable to this.. before camp, i was really spiritually down, it's like i lost the purpose and meaning to life.. serious.. the feeling was like i was so lost.. but now, at least, i am back on track again, thank God for pulling me back into His love.. the praise and worship during the pre-christmas service really ministered to me.. There's this song that impacted me the most..

How could i live How could I live without You How would I survive Without Your love Without Your touch You're the One that heals me And cleanses my heart And sets me free Now i come right before You With my hands lifted up With my heart humbly bowed At Your work on the cross As You hang there and die You were paying the price For my life, For my life For Your love is higher than the heavens Deeper than the seas And all I want is You in my life No one else can satisfy my soul Can make me feel this way Only You Lord, only You

God spoke to me several things: 1) He reminded me again, the purpose for Him dying on the cross.. Not for any other reasons, but for our lives.. for my life.. (and yours too) this really touched me.. God questioned me, why am i living my life like this, why do i feel so insignificant? Have i not died for you? I've died for you on the cross so that u may be set free.. But why are u still dwelling in all those meaningless thoughts? I have already set u free, free from everything! I am in control of all things.. 2) He reminded me that no one else can satisfy my soul except Him.. I was reminded of all the times i failed, i was discouraged.. No one else knows how i feel, no one knows how much i struggles, except Him.. He is the only one who knows me inside out.. That is why only He can satisfy me.. i watched many dramas.. the dream guy kinda stuff is only in the show.. as a girl, i too yearn for those kinda trust, those kinda love.. as i was walking to nexus on saturday to help out in image, God reminded me.. He trust in me under all circumstances.. He is the only one who trust in me even when everyone don't believe in me.. He is the mighty hands that always protects me when things gone wrong.. He is the one that will hold on to this hand of mine, hence giving me the security.. No one can ever be like that, except in dramas, and except God.. Only God can make me feel this way... :) i really can't imagine life without Him totally.. Have you ever thought of your life purpose? The period of time when i was really leaving God out of the picture, i thought of that question.. Then i realised, life is meaningless and purposeless.. It's like work for the sake of living.. then why do i live? cuz i have to? then get married, have children, fall sick then die? what exactly am i living for.. Then now, when i have put God back into the picture, everything makes sense.. I live because God has created me in His perfect image, i live to serve Him and His kingdom.. He loves me, that why i live.. and also, the purpose is to bring this love that He has given to me and other fellow christians to the other people around me.. i have found this purpose, do you want to live life with a purpose? Taste the fruit before you comment.. This fruit is sweet, you will never regret "eating" this fruit..

finally i have found a time to blog.. haha.. camp was really fun, and the most important and fun part is that i have met God, and He touched my life.. i was really dead the week before camp.. dead as in spiritually.. the first day of camp was kinda wasted, i was somehow like the action potential curve, have not even reach the threshold.. after some talks, after quieten my heart, and softening of my heart, i have finally open my spiritual eyes and ears to listen to God. i realised i have ignored God those weeks.. many times, i failed to include Him in everything i do, that's how easily i got away.. After that, i was thinking, since this job is like hindering me, should i quit? but the thing is that God showed me several things.. Firstly, i had learnt to be independent.. and that ppl there are friendly, but not as understanding or as loving as my caregroup.. This is a fact i have to accept in the future when i enter the workforce.. so i should learnt it.. And also, by thinking of placing the books in whatever places, all those, i can't always rely on ppl, they will not be free the whole time to teach me all the things.. i have to learnt it myself.. and when i started working, i have a goal in mind.. i want to give people the best i can, i want to be a good salt and light, and am proud to be a christian! i want them to see Christ through me.. i tried opening spiritual conversations, though all failed, but i believe it'll work someday.. Pray hard.. i have to learnt to put God in the centre of my life every single minute.. i am so happy i bought the 2 books today.. one is about discipline, another about confidence and insecurities.. and also borrowed one from timothy on evangelism.. hope all these help.. i seldom buy books, cuz they are like so ex! but it's worth the investment if it helps me grow more in God.. yea..