Friday, December 4

this blog is kinda dead, kinda busy so far, with all the tests, assignments and exams.. busy busy busy.. busy till something is missed out.. this exam period is a love-hate period.. hate because i just dun like exams.. haha.. who likes? need to study and take a test, coming out of the exam hall, having the feeling of failing.. however, this very first exam period in nus is definitely memorable.. besides the people who supported me in prayer (which i really appreciate it a lot a lot), i experienced God greatly, and my trust in Him about Him being faithful also increase a lot.. the trust in Him that He will provide, like how he did for my previous tests and A levels, really grew.. good or bad yet i will praise Him, for Him alone is the King of kings.. He is my hope.. i trust my final results to Him.. no point worrying about it now also.. yep. overall: good =D

Sunday, November 1

God, i thank you for always being there. my tower of refuge.. my shelter.. my own failures are enough to drown me.. but you are always there to offer you hand to pull me up.. help me to get back on track, to the track that i should be on.. i failed you many times, many many times, walk away, or never even go to you sometimes.. but you are still there waiting patiently for me to return.. really am grateful.. Thank You God..

Friday, October 16

i feel like i am losing out, i feel like i never study or work hard as all my other nursing friends does... but i really want to thank God that He pulled me through these 2 CAs, especially for physiology.. I tried to study, but it seems like i know nothing. and i never read the day before.. like slept through the night... but i thank God that i passed.. really.. His grace and mercy... it's miracle that i can score this paper... Thank God thank God!

Thursday, October 15

what to do????????? help me God, show me the direction, a specific one.. i really dunno how to do this... i feel so inadequate.. i want you to use me greatly, but now, i am struggling.. how God, how?? how to overcome this? what can i do to impact people? i really dun see how i can influence people..be it my sheep or my friends or my family.. i really cannot see it..... GOD...... i am so afraid.. it's just so uncertain.. i am very afraid when i see how hard my friends studied just now, but i have not started.. i am very afraid.. but i still know that you are always around.. i trust in your power to turn this situation around.. help me God, for i know i cannot do this alone..

Tuesday, October 13

Solomon’s impact on his people made me wonder about our contribution to the world. We’re not concerned about impressing others with our possessions or abilities, but we all should want to make a difference in the lives of people. What if there was one thing each of us did today that caused people to praise the Lord? — C. P. Hia

This is the wish I always wish, The prayer I always pray: Lord, may my life help others It touches on the way. —Anon.

Christians are windows through which Jesus can shine.

i want to be someone God uses greatly.. i do not have the skills or abilities. But God, i wanna be used by you, to make a difference in people's lives.. especially those who have not come to know you personally.. i want to put the interests of others' above mine.. i always feel inadequate in touching the lives of people, i pray that you can equip me with all that i need.. i want to shine for you, in the midst of everything..

Monday, October 12

worrying doesn't add an hour to my life. it doesn't even help.. i realise this after many incidents.. and finally, i learnt to accept this into my heart, instead of it being head-knowledge.. one is the a level period.. was quite stress, due to many many U and S.. but continue to trust and God delivers.. then many things happen.. recently i was super worried over anyi, how is she doing, when to meet her, etc.. but i worry and worry and worry, but no results.. just when i put that worry down, and trust God, she texted me back, saying she's able to meet me, just when the bus was abt to arrive.. so i went, and everything wsas good and fruitful.. i love the time spent also.. so the morale of the story is, give your worries to God, and trust in His timing.. i am still learning to apply this more.. but i have the trust that He will provide.. :)

Friday, October 9

impart, impact, influence.. my ideals..

Friday, October 2

I RECEIVED THE SGH SCHOLARSHIP!! FINALLY!! i seriously thought that it's not possible to get it already. cuz the interview did not went well.. but i am super amazed, how i can get it when the nurses doesn't seems convinced during the interview.. woohoo.. really really thank God.. seriously.. kick the tuition aside! haha..

Sunday, September 27

today, god showed me a picture/vision during worship.. cuz i was worrying abt my sheep's problem. kinda dunno what exactly should i do.. plus i also cannot really cope with my studies.. so everything add together = stressed out... so i kept asking god since thurs. today me showed me something. he showed me a long stretch of road, which represents my whole christian life. this is not an ordinary road you see on the expressway.. rather, this road has smooth portions, the slightly rough portion, and those that are very rough.. christian life is not all smooth-sailing.. when jesus encounter a problem, he will stop, kneel down, and pray desperately... even if the road is rough, it's pain to kneel on it, but still, he will do so.. so i was reflecting.. do i pray enough? so i pray desperately? whenever i encounter a problem, did i stop to pray?

Friday, September 25

God, i really need the re-assurance, the care, the support, the encouragement..

Wednesday, September 23

i have no confidence at all.. not to blame anyone.. but every time, when i think something is ok, the other person will say it's not good, or cannot, etc.. not that i want them to fully agree also.. it makes me afraid to try to think more.. fear.. i know i shouldn't fear. but just cannot help it la.. haix.. disappointed at myself..
so much to read! so much that i find it impossible to finish it before exams, with so many commitments.. super super stress.. there was once, i was dragging my feet to one of the cg.. i really dun feel like going, just because of studies.. but every time i drag my feet to cg/unit/service, at the end of it, i never regretted going. cuz i feel ministered by God (every time) i know that if i never go, i will regret. weird.. but yup.. amazing.. it's really hard to balance.. i was thinking, how i endure all these things? the cost of following Jesus is so so high.. but still, i am willing to give in my all.. God, i am willing.. just guide me every single time when i feel stress/when i feel that i cannot cope with my studies and all..

Tuesday, September 15

a pure heart, that's what i long for, a heart that follows hard after thee.. a heart that hides your word, so that sin will not come in, a heart that's undivided, one you rule and reign.. a hearts that beats compassion that pleases u my lord, sweet aroma of worship that rises to your throne.

Monday, September 7

Friday, September 4

i realised after school term has started, there are more things to do, definitely very very stressful.. i could not catch up with the pace, and there's lots and lots of readings, preparation to do.. i was really very very afraid that i will not be able to do well, and also i scared that i will not shine for his kingdom when my results are bad.. i was so afraid of this and that, worrying about everything, that i kinda left God out while i am studying.. i really wanna thank God for being faithful, constantly assuring me, consoling me.. every service, cg/unit/subd meet, God will remind me of at least one promise.. this time round, during subd He told me, "remember my child, what i want u to give is what you have, give your best with your ability, i will do the rest.." i totally forgot about this while i was trying to study(nth went in though).. "my yoke is lighter, I'm the everlasting God, i can do all things" i just wanna rely on Him for the strength, the wisdom... i really wanna persevere, remember and focus on the end-goal,not those obstacles which are temporal.. Hebrews 12:1-2.. i really wanna fix my eyes on Jesus, who is the author and perfecter of my faith..

Tuesday, August 25

today was a blessing.. i cannot go for any of the life of christ seminars. cuz tml lesson is at 8, and my parents will not allow. but thank God that tutorial at 8 was cancelled.. and lesson will start at 1pm instead.. so in the end, they allow me to go! so happy :D i think today's seminar i've learnt quite a lot.. the part on His disciples doubt God's power despite knowing Him and stayed with Him for 2 years plus.. This happen to me to.. in a way that, i have said i experienced God before, His love, promptings, etc. But when troubles/obstacles come, i do doubt.. then pastor also mentioned about God's character. Harsh on hypocrites & _(i forgot what is it)_, but gentle on sinners. i really feel quite blessed to have God as God.. If you dunno God, at least give it a try, you will never regret.. and the collest thing is the anti-thesis part, where Jesus brings new understanding to thesis.. i think that's cool... :)

Sunday, August 2

this is a burden God drop me last time.. i have yet to post it.. but i think it's really very cool.. i was watching this drama called absolute boyfriend.. about this robot made to love just one person.. at the end, he can't go through life with this girl that he loves. and he chose the sacrificial way, which is to scrap himself and to let this girl find another love, so that she can love normally. there's one part about him deciding to wanna be scraped... his creator, a scientist, was super sad, cuz he created this robot, and after so so long, he has developed a bond with this robot, treating him as a human alr.. so like after the whole show end.. lol.. i go do my qt.. like partly thinking of the show, but one particular image keep flashing through my mind.. this image is the sadness on the face of the scientist, where his robot has to be scrapped. God use this to speak to me in 3 ways. First, He showed me that this scientist heart is a little like His heart.. scientist create robot, God create us.. so like everyone knows that on judgement day, only those who believe in Christ will be saved.. so the rest who doesn't believe or those that follow satan will go to hell, eternal death.. these people are also created by God. God doean't want to see this happening.. Of course, He hopes that everyone will go to heaven.. but God is just too.. He showed me how precious is everyone... My sheep, my family, my cgs, my friends, etc.. by that time i was rather broken down alr.. then after that i can clearly hear(not audibly) God saying 19Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them ina]">[a] the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." i was taken aback. it's really very very clear to me.. i will never forget.. Go and make disciples.. go and reach out to people, freshman, family, friends,..... by placing the burden for family, he showed me that my attitude towards family members hasn't been very christ-like.. so like need a change in that area.. after everything, He showed me this picture of what will happened to unsaved people.. very scary image.. it's like people drowning in a red pool... it's either their own blood or the lake of burning sulphur.. but that's not the point la.. i just know i wouldn't want to see my family/friends/people from church to be in that last picture.. i am scared.. i wouldn't want to see my loved ones there! it's painful.. what's more God? we're all His loved ones.. all the more, He wants all to be saved.. so we should give in our best in everything we do, and in evangelising too.. make evangelising your habit.. evangelising can sometimes be just being a good salt & light..
woohoo.. i think the msn conversation with jean is so cool.. cuz she injure her leg, which i believe it's not by coincidence.. yup.. she was telling me it was super pain(outcome of not eating painkillers lol..) so i just took that step to ask her if she mind me praying for her over the msn.. she doesn't mind.. and she said come and bless me.. cool! so i prayed for her, and the next thing she asked me is to pray for her everyday... haha.. now she know that seniors and me were from same church, she understands the reason behind it.. and i think it is so cool! yup yup.. the part where it is a lil' disappointing is where she dun wanna come or rather still a little unwilling to come for service. one reason is becauese her family is catholic, so naturally, her mum doesn't want her to come to a christian church.. so the reason behind it is because they scared that we will convert her to christian.. and she wanna see her mood.. haha.. (later she mood swing how? lol.. jk) since God has brought this relationship to this level, i believe God will continue to grow this relationship to a deeper level.. i wanna trust God for more.. i really want more, for God to use me more to reach to the others, and also to give me more of His heartbeat..

Saturday, August 1

5th august is my interview for scholarship at SGH.. i really do hope i will be able to get it.. so i do not need to worry much about expenses.. help me pray ok?

Friday, July 31

went for nursing orientation day today.. the most unexpected thing is to see jean hopping around with her left leg, as she injure her right toe.. and it's the lamest reason, cuz she accidentally kicked her bed stand.. then can't walk.. so after the briefings (we skip the tour), i accompanied her to the A&E.. it's just muscle injury/bruise only.. she went all out to do her boyfriend's birthday card la.. despite her current condition, can't even apply pressure on her right leg, she still go all the way to tampines to get people to write on that card.. lucky got another person accompany her to tampines.. but anyway, that's besides the point.. a few days ago, i opened my drawer and saw a new bible, still nicely in packaged.. wanted to give to a person who wanna come to know christ.. but so far, it's either they never come to know God/they alr have their bibles.. so today after i alighted at outram mrt and took the nel, around boon keng station, i forgot how, but i just suddenly thought of this wrapped bible in my drawer and what i wanted to do with it last time.. then i sense in my heart, wrap it, decorate it then give it to jean - when she's unhappy, feel down, afraid, or whatever circumstances, she can open the bible and read what God has promised her.. so i just started smsing her, if she has a bible, then she replied it was an old version (though all versions contain the same words, but i was just prompted to give her one), then i asked her if she will read the bible, she say never read.. but then i say i will give her one, then she replied if she has the time, then she will read.. so i think so cool la, next time can read bible with her, if she dun mind.. of course, must wait for the right timing too... yea.. Thank God for that prompting and that opportunity.. super happy =) anyway, i really wanna thank Ian for fetching us to the A&E, despite NUH being super near to NUS.. thank God for his serving heart, and the circumstances that enables him to be ablt to drive even for that short while.. really thank God for him.. thank God for the car too.. haha..
“Only one life and soon it will pass, only what’s done for Christ will last.” Exactly how long is our life? have we put in all our efforts in doing the things of eternal value? most importantly, do we see the value in doing these things, be it big or small things?
the most important factor of a relationship is love, best is unconditional love. then it's communication and trust.. and other factors, which i can't really think of at this time (brain dead).. not only dies this applies to friendships, it also applies to relationship with God.. not only do we have to trust God and love Him, we must also communicate with Him.. through prayer! i really wanna increase my time with God also.. one goal... i realise that when there are too many things on hand, my time with God will decrease, which is not good.. so have to pray more, depend in His strength more to do all the important things, depend on His power to change the hearts of hardened people and see miracles so long as we believe, rely on His love to touch people and to grow more, and closer to God than before. yea..

Thursday, July 30

read this from a online devotion: The apostle Paul teaches that we are to work as though we are "working for the Lord and not for people." He's saying that no job is too small; no job is too menial; no job is too insignificant when you have the right motive and perspective. We should think, "I'm doing it for God; I'm doing this job as if I'm doing it for the Lord." I used to clean meat lockers in a butcher shop, and I would clean them as unto the Lord. Now, how do I know if I'm doing my work for the Lord? Two characteristics will show up in your attitude: excellence and enthusiasm. First, if I'm doing my work, not for the boss but for the Lord, I'll do it with excellence. That means I give it my best shot—I do the best I can because I'm not doing it for anyone's approval, except God's. I do it with excellence, being the best I can be. Second, I do my work with enthusiasm. I'm working for God, therefore, I do it with a cheerful attitude. "Never be lazy, but work hard and serve the Lord enthusiastically" (Romans 12:11 NLT). When you are working with all your heart, motivated by the love of Christ, your work is transformed into an act of worship for God.
realise i super long haven post anything alr.. kinda dead.. this new cg is fun! just had the second cg today.. the activities was kinda different, but interesting.. today i shall post abt what i have learnt from sermon & what has impacted me ba.. since we did it for cg sermon-d today.. haha.. time to SHINE!! I can SHINE!! i always struggle from this problem.. belittling myself, which is equals to belittling God's creation. i always feel inadequate, not up to certain tasks, everyone is better than me i am not good, lack confidence.. but in actual fact, everyone is unique in his or her ways, God created everyone to be different so that each person can advance His kingdom in a certain way.. [this reminds me of one body, many parts, every part, be it big or small, significant or insignificant, is important. On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty, while our presentable parts need no special treatment. <1 Corinthians 12:12-26>] this is the verse God reminded.. yup.. and also, the pastor talked about God placing us in specific places for us to shine.. i really hope i can shine for God in not only nursing/friends, but also my family.. i remember one analogy he gives.. in a room with total darkness, one small torchlight that's switched on, can make a huge difference.. i really like this analogy.. God is light, satan is darkness.. in total darkness, so long as we follow God, we need not be perfect, but we can still shine for Him.. people around us can then see this light, and come to know God.. he also say that God who is faithful, will ensure we are the light of the world, even if we are broken.. Amen! God is faithful! He will ensure us to shine His light.. the next thing that impacted me a lot was the part on the areas that can stop us from this promise on shining for Him.. among the 3, the one that most represent me is fear.. like the few examples he gave was exactly how i always feel.. we don't have that confidence, fear that we are not better than others, we think we don't have what it takes to be God's light.. and we must step out of this fear, if not we can't step out in faith.. for me is, i am too controlled by fear, fearing i may do the wrong things, more of things that has to do with God.. i dunno how to phrase this.. err.. things like leading roles, asking questions during sowing.. ya.. when i have this fear/anxiousness, sometimes in human tendency, i will choose to take control of the situation to make things right, at the same time, fail to trust in God's power.. yup.. the last point is sometimes we tend to forget that God only wants us to contribute what we have only.. He knows we are limited, He know we cannot do all things, there's a verse about God doesn't judge a person like how the world does, God sees our heart, our motives instead of the results, how well we did.. i think that is really one thing i really thank God for God.. i want to live like Mary.. she focuses on God instead of the situations around her.. instead of Martha who focuses so much on the surroundings - preparations, doing things right.. yup.. God looks at heart.. so long as we desire to shine, WE WILL SHINE! i want to be God's light, not letting this fear gripped me.. but allowing God to shine His light through me, so the others will be able to see His light..

Tuesday, July 7

S O W .. i think this camp was successful!!! lots of friendships were built, and is that kind of friendships that can grow deeper.. not only with the freshmen, but also with the seniors.. i feel so at home in buttercup.. haha! $30 wasn't wasted (a lot of food also.. but that's besides the point).. i pray hard that the friendship will grow, and also i pray for wisdom and discernment to know when is the right time to bring the topic to her.. i wanna bring this friendship to a higher level.. thank God for working in this group, people feel the love and care, which is the most important.. :)

Wednesday, June 24

a need to slow down.

Thursday, June 11

from daphne's blog.. Shouldn't we as Christians grow in our AQs as we grow closer to God and if we understand that God permits us to pass through adversity with a purpose. Furthermore, enduring adversity is a necessary part of the life of a believer. Some adversity is allowed by God to discipline us and fashion our character. We know He is for us, and only against our sin. This in no way impinges upon our faith in His goodness. If I can always go to Him for comfort and deliverance in times of trouble, there's no need for me to let the ='( circumstances in my life put me down forever =D i agree totally! though sometimes i may complain when the situation happens.. but just take it on courageously and move on! God knows what's the best, He put the test/struggles for a purpose!! if i were to complain in any situations, feel free to tell me.. lol..

My Future is in your hands

My Jesus I’m found in you, You’re my Saviour You chose me Before the world And You called my name

I will go with You Through the valley I will soar above every mountain, I will trust Your Word deep within my heart I will live for You

I know my future in Your Hands All of my hopes and dreams and plans You gave me strength to live And faith to succeed I believe in You Because You believe in me

ONE THING

One thing One thing I desire One thing I seek To gaze upon Your beauty Your majesty

In the day of trouble You cover me In the secret place of refuge Lord I will sing

So I pray to You So I pray to You

Lord Your Name is higher than the heavens Lord Your Name is higher than all created things Higher than hope Higher than dreams The Name of the Lord

All I want is You All I want is You Jesus

this is from james' blog.. We long to be servants but are unwilling to leave the comfort of the lounge chair. My steps are hesitant, which side should I choose? On one hand, my heart’s desire is to give God my full surrender and let His presence and joy soak through my entire life. Yet on the other hand, the flesh takes a step back and defends: I won’t get to control my own life – I wanna choose to do what I want, and whenever I want. Such is the struggle of a double-minded man. i tried to step out of my comfort zone. but sometimes, i just choose the things i wanna do , so it isn't exactly steeping out of my comfort zone.. at camp, God told me this(which is one of my objectives), the best way to support your leader is to go all out for God and leader.. go all out to the extent of "to the ends of the earth".. lol.. not literal, but u get my meaning la.. God convicted me during camp, to step out of my comfort zone.. but what am i doing?!! have i really step out fully? nope.. God, help me out with this.. i really really wanna do more, but everytime i lack that faith and courage.. help me to step out of these..

As I ponder much about my life for the past month, I figured: hey I’ve been pretty busy (or at least trying to be busy with something)! But much busyness hasn’t achieved much business at all. You could say I was trying to have a hand in everything around me – yeah you guessed it, I pretty much didn’t accomplish anything. “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:41-42

have i worried so much that i left God out of the whole picture? sometimes, i do.. the thing that God wants isn't how much church things we can do, but i think, the thing that He is looking for is out heart, do we choose to wait upon Him? it's not that doing these things are wrong, it's compelled by the love of God.. But look at what God says to Martha.. you're worried and upset, but only waiting upon God is needed.. So i really wanna choose what's best.. and i should worry less, and rely more on God.. For He knows what's the best, when i wait and rely on Him, then i can know what's the plans too.. yep..

Sorrow looks back, worry looks around, FAITH LOOKS UP!!

Tuesday, June 9

Sorrow looks back, worry looks around, FAITH LOOKS UP!! Philippians 4:6-7 (NLT) -- Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

Monday, June 8

read this from junwei's blog, i like this post... Galatians1:10 "Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ." Say no to being an approval addict. yes, whatever i do, God, i wanna please you.. i wanna place my relationship with you above all the others.. i wanna say what you want me to say, even if it hurts.. after i had said what i should say, i feel relieved, but at the same time, i dunno what will happen to that r/s.. God, i trust those things into your hands.. i will not compromise (i try) the truth because i am afraid that it will test some friendships.. i will not.. the truth is the truth, nothing can change it..
Prayer is seek God with diligent effort + dedicated heart.

Sunday, June 7

Matthew 16:18 And I tell you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hades will not overcome it. the devil will not overcome what God wanna do in our lives!! fight the "battle" with the end (victory) in mind.. faith to overcome.. some strongholds that i have : self-confidence, self-esteem,self-worth, insecurity, over-sensitivity, etc..

Saturday, June 6

am i putting too much pressure on myself?

Friday, June 5

Can others around you tell that you are indeed a child of the King? Ask the Holy Spirit what you need to put off and put on in your life so that you can reflect more truly your status as God’s adopted child. — C. P. Hia What i need to put off and put on? i yearn to be a person who you will be able to use to impact the people around me.. to be able to let others see that, yes, i can see that the greatness of God, how much God loves you, etc.. search my heart, make me a vessel that you will use..

Monday, June 1

oya.. today on the bus, TV mobile always has the quote of the day.. there's a lot about faith.. one of the quote i like most is "Fear comes knocking at the door, but when faith answers it, no one was there."
i like this post from ODB: Title: Holy Fools If you can believe, all things are possible to him who believes. —Mark 9:23

When God spoke to Abram, he obeyed at once, departing for an unknown land based only on a promise. Childless, he trusted God to make of him “a great nation” (Gen. 12:2).

God often does His work through “holy fools”—dreamers who strike out in ridiculous faith. Yet I tend to approach my decisions with calculation and restraint.

My church in Chicago once scheduled an all-night vigil of prayer during a major crisis. At length we discussed the practicality of the event before finally putting it on the calendar. The poorest members of the congregation, a group of senior citizens from a housing project, responded the most enthusiastically. I wondered how many of their prayers had gone unanswered over the years, yet they showed a childlike trust in the power of prayer. “How long do you want to stay—an hour or two?” we asked, thinking of van shuttles. “Oh, we’ll stay all night,” they replied.

One woman in her 90s explained, “We can pray. We got time, and we got faith. Some of us don’t sleep much anyway. We can pray all night if needs be.” And so they did.

Meanwhile, a bunch of yuppies in a downtown church learned an important lesson: Faith often appears where least expected and falters where it ought to thrive. — Philip Yancey

Faith looks across the storm—it does not doubt Or stop to look at clouds and things without. Faith does not question why when all His ways Are hard to understand, but trusts and prays. —Anon.

Prayer is the voice of faith.

Thursday, May 28

Still - Hillsong Hide me now Under your wings Cover me within your mighty hand

When the oceans rise and thunders roar I will soar with you above the storm Father you are king over the flood I will be still and know you are God

Find rest my soul In Christ alone Know his power In quietness and trust

Many times we say God, i surrender my life to you... God i trust you.. I trust in your plans.. but is the trust a head-trust, or heart-trust?? When He carry out His plans, do we still trust in Him? His plans may or may not be pleasant to you at that moment.. But we all know His plans are there to prosper us, not to harm us.. Do we hold on to that promise God gave? Do we blame God for our situation and choose to walk away and go our own way? in the bible, job, though he did tell God his honest feelings, complain, but he still trust.. even if it means physical death, he will still choose God's way, because he knows that's the best way.. So when we say surrender our life to Him, it's a very big promise to God.. It's like a child telling the mother he wants a toy, but when the mother give him a toy, he got angry saying this isn't what he wants.. the child may think he's right, but how does the mother feel? "you want, i give you, now u blame me, and you dun want it.. what exactly do you want?" not a good example.. but u get the meaning la.. trusting is never easy, this is where faith comes in.. faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.. how strong is your faith? can it endure the uncertainties? we may question why this happen, but do we doubt God's motive for doing so?
2 stories to share..

Trials

You perhaps recall the story of the blacksmith who gave his heart to God. Though conscientious in his living, still he was not prospering materially. In fact, it seems that from the time of his conversion more trouble, affliction and loss were sustained than ever before. Everything seemed to be going wrong.

One day a friend who was not a Christian stopped at the little gorge to talk to him. Sympathizing with him in some of his trials, the friend said "It seems strange to me that so much affliction should pass over you just at the time when you have become an earnest Christian. Of course, I don't want to weaken your faith in God or anything like that. But here you are, God's help and guidance, and yet things seem to be getting steadily worse. I can't help wondering why it is."

The blacksmith did not answer immediately, and it was evident that he had thought the same question before. But finally, he said "You see here the raw iron which I have to make into horse's shoes. You know what I do with it? I take a piece and heat it in the fire until it is red, almost white with the heat. Then I hammer it unmercifully to shape it as I know it should be shaped. Then I plunge it into a pail of cold water to temper it. Then I heat it again and hammer it some more. And this I do until it is finished."

"But sometimes I find a piece of iron that won't stand up under this treatment. The heat and the hammering and the cold water are too much for it. I don't know why it fails in the process, but I know it will never make a good horse's shoe."

He pointed to a heap of scrap iron that was near the door of his shop. "When I get a piece that cannot take the shape and temper, I throw it out on the scrap heap. It will never be good for anything."

He went on, "I know that God has been holding me in the fires of affliction and I have felt His hammer upon me. But I don't mind, if only He can bring me to what I should be. And so, in all these hard things my prayer is simply this: Try me in any way you wish, Lord, only don't throw me on the scrap heap."

- Lynell Waterman

Things aren't always what they seem

Two traveling angels stopped to spend the night in the home of a wealthy family. The family was rude and refused to let the angels stay in the mansion's guest room. Instead, the angels were given a space in the cold basement. As they made their bedroom the hard floor, the older angel saw a hole in the wall and repaired it. When the younger angel asked why, the older angel replied.... "Things aren't always what they seem."

The next night the pair came to rest at the house of a very poor, but very hospitable farmer and his wife. After sharing what little food they had, the couple let the angels sleep in their bed where they could have a good nights' rest. When the sun came up the next morning the angels found the farmer and his wife in tears. Their only cow, whose milk had been their sole income, lay dead in the field.

The younger angel was infuriated and asked the older angel "How could you have let this happen!? The first man had everything, yet you helped him," she accused. "The second family had so little, but was willing to share everything and you let their cow die."

"Things aren't always what they seem," the older angel replied."When we stayed in the basement of the mansion, I noticed there was gold stored in that hole in the wall. Since the owner was so obsessed with greed and unwilling to share his good fortune, I sealed the wall so he wouldn't find it. Then last night as we slept in the farmers bed, the angel of death came for his wife. I gave her the cow instead. "Things aren't always what they seem."

Sometimes this is exactly what happens when things don't turn out the way you think they should. If you have faith, you just need to trust that every outcome is always to your advantage. You might not know it until some time later."Things aren't always what they seem.

Contributed by Kathaleen Pinto

i like this post on chialing's blog, about humility:

once you begin to think that you’ve gone through alot, you know alot, you’ve learnt enough…

or you begin to shut your ears to other people’s opinions… or corrections, or feedback…

and you think people should totally take your opinions on the matter

that’s it, you’re going down

Wednesday, May 27

i think this story is nice.. the title is "Come follow Me".

Once upon a time, there was a man who looked upon Christmas as a lot of humbug.

He wasn't a Scrooge. He was a very kind and decent person, generous to his family, upright in all his dealings with other men. But he didn't believe all that stuff about an incarnation which churches proclaim at Christmas. And he was too honest to pretend that he did.

"I am truly sorry to distress you," he told his wife, who was a faithful churchgoer, "but I simply cannot understand this claim that God became man. It doesn't make any sense to me."

On Christmas Eve, his wife and children went to church for the midnight service. He declined to accompany them. "I'd feel like a hypocrite," he explained. "I'd much rather stay at home. But I'll wait up for you."

Shortly after his family drove away in the car, snow began to fall. He went to the window and watched the flurries getting heavier and heavier.

"If we must have a Christmas," he reflected, "it's nice to have a white one."

He went back to his chair by the fireside and began to read his newspaper. A few minutes later, he was startled by a thudding sound. It was quickly followed by another, then another. He thought that someone must be throwing snow balls at his living room window.

When he went to the front door to investigate, he found a flock of birds huddled miserably in the snow. They had been caught in the storm, and in a desperate search for shelter had tried to fly through his window.

I can't let those poor creatures lie there and freeze, he thought. But how can I help them?

Then he remembered the barn where the children's pony was stabled. It would provide a warm shelter. He quickly put on his coat and galoshes and tramped through the deepening snow to the barn. He opened the doors wide and turned on the light. But the birds didn't come in.

Food will bring them in, he thought. So he hurried back to the house for bread crumbs, which he sprinkled on the snow to make a trail into the barn. To his dismay, the birds ignored the bread crumbs and continued to flop around helplessly in the snow. He tried shooing them into the barn by walking around and waving his arms. They scattered in every direction - except into the warm, lighted barn.

"They find me a strange and terrifying creature," he said to himself, "and I can't seem to think of any way to let them know they can trust me. If only I could be a bird myself for a few minutes, perhaps I could lead them to safety."

Just at that moment, the church bells began to ring. He stood silently for a while, listening to the bells pealing the glad tidings of Christmas. Then he sank to his knees in the snow.

"Now I understand," he whispered. "Now I see why you had to do it."

i need a constant reminder to draw strength from you.. mental tiredness happens when we allow issues to accumulate, which wears us down.. help me to seek your way of clearing all these issues, and i dun wanna think so much also.. it's really stressed! so i need your strength and your love.. i don't want to let mental tiredness obstruct me from victory in you..

Tuesday, May 26

Lord, help us to appreciate The work that others do, The service given from their hearts, Their sacrifice for You. —Sper Sometimes i may neglect people who really put in the effort.. Help me and remind me to affirm them for every single things they do, even the very small things.. Because they have done it for you..

Monday, May 25

thank God.. today i was super lost at a decision to be made.. it's like on tuesday (which is tml), i got unit girls' outing & work & shepherding.. so i wouldn't be able to go for the outing at all, cuz it'll be super rush.. i can't push the work to another day due to some reasons.. yup.. i called lixin ask her when would i be able to meet her.. so like there isn't any other day except during the outing.. so like i was super frustrated at that moment.. like how? what i can do? i can't push work away, netiher can i push shepherding away, cuz sheeting got other sheep too & she nvr pick up my call.. i was super worried + irritated + emo at that time.. emo cuz i was thinking and worrying over a lot of stuff and i got headache.. den at 9, when i was about to end work, sheeting message me saying she can't meet me tml.. suddenly, everything seems settled... i really think too much at times.. so like God really reminded me one thing through this incident, which is not to huang at anytime, and just rely on Him and trust in Him.. i am glad God made a way.. God will make a way, when there seems to be no way.. He works in way we cannot see, He wil make a way for me.. He will be my guide, hold me closely to His side.. With love and strength for each new day, He will make a way, He will make a way..

Sunday, May 24

(from life app. bible) adversity destroys superficial faith. adversity strengthens real faith by causing believers to dig their roots deeper into God in order to withstand the storms. how deep does your faith goes? put the roots of your faith down deep into God so that you can withstand any storm you may face. (i like to use this analogy recently) like a tree, if roots are not deep, when the storms come, it can easily uproot it.. but if the roots grow deep, storms may come.. but the roots are so deep that it won't be easily pulled out..
i will be still and know you are God..
Search me.. Purify me.. Use me.. Help me..

Friday, May 22

the lyrics says it all..
no matter what happen, i want to sing your praise.. help me to persevere through any kinda storms that is about to come.. i am very afraid of what is to come, definitely.. but really wanna thank you that i still have that sense of assurance that you will be with me through it all.. i just wanna trust you in every circumstances.. brave through it with you.. and sing to you with my heart...
What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul? -- Matthew 16:26.. do you deny that you know God in certain circumstances? you can come up with excuses like your friends, etc.. but which is more important?! you deny that you know God just to be accepted by your friends? how much does it hurt God? Do you know? just like a couple being together.. (anw, i realised liting likes to use examples of couples recently.. lol..) if ur partner were to deny you in front of his friends, because if his friends know that you are his partner, they might not befriend him.. how will you feel?! in the same way, think of how God will feel..

Thursday, May 21

As more troubles come, God, help me to hold your hands even more tightly.. i know i won't let go of it completely.. but i just don't wanna let go a single bit.. in the midst of all troubles, help me to be still and listen to your whisper, your guidance.. and also, help me be a good salt & light among my friends.. it's not easy to bring them.. help me to do it step-by-step.. MAAB.. i don't wanna rush it.. use me greatly.. i wanna be used by you...
there one growth area God showed me during camp.. i always know i struggle from low self esteem and low self confidence.. i'm like always afraid that i will not do well in this, bla bla bla.. though in the worshop "Complete In Christ", i was half-alert, but at least i brought home somthing really important.. the person was like telling us to write some weaknesses, all those.. so like i am the kinda person who knows a lot of weaknesses but no strength about myself.. i know like everyone is unique, everyone got their strengths and weaknesses, no one can be perfect.. but that message just doesn't get into my heart till camp.. though now i can't really rmb what i was sharing with hannah.. but i rmb that time the message went into my heart already.. that's why i am happy!! haha.. plus today.. for cg, i am supposed to do worship.. i remember how i lead some worships last time.. den how i failed sometimes.. i was so afraid.. but like God remind me "in camp, you said u wanna go to the ends of the earth for me.. willing to go all out to do everything you can for me.. now, why don't you have the faith in me that i will lead you later? confidence come from faith in God.." Later on, i felt more confident due to His assurance.. so i went to zhe wei's house.. a lil' stress out.. cuz like i just cant catch that tune, plus i was so afraid i cant sing well... So zhe wei spoke almost the same thing to me.. i was taken aback.. like God is assuring me/reminding me once again.. zhe wei said that i lack confidence and said some stuff.. which like.. WOA! So really thank God for him and thank God for using him.. :) though this time round the worship i still think it didn't went well.. as what liting says heart ready, skills not ready.. so i really need to talk to God about this.. haha.. so i go do my QT now.. see u :D

Tuesday, May 19

From Daphne's blog.. This post serves as a reminder for me as well.. Sometimes i tell myself, i have overcome it, i have grown.. But the next moment, i fell.. So like not only should i guard my heart well, i should also evaluate it and be humble.. This is an excerpt of Rick Warren’s teaching, How to Maintain Moral Integrity in the Ministry: Never consider yourself above temptation. Don’t kid yourself. People say, “It couldn’t happen to me.” That’s a bunch of baloney. We need to be aware how vulnerable all of us are. The first defense is an attitude of humility that says, “I’m a human being.” We need to watch out. 1 Corinthians 10:12 (LB) says, “So be careful if you are thinking, ‘Oh, I’d never behave like that.’ Let this be a warning to you, for you too may fall into sin.” None of us are invulnerable. None of us are immune. Proverbs 16:18 (NIV) says, “Pride goes before destruction and a haughty spirit before a fall.” The morning I say, “I’ve conquered that problem,” that’s the morning I’m open for temptation.

Monday, May 18

I need to guard my heart, so the devil can't pull me further from God.. Spiritual complacency is the word.. God keep reminding me of this word after camp... So like i really wanna grow exponentially with God.. I hate stagnancy.. that feeling is not good at all.. ya... [Proverbs 4:23] - “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” A part of the day 2 devotions keep shouting to me.. God really wants to remind me so that no matter what the devil is trying to do to me, to prevent me from going closer to God or doing more for God will not affect my r/s with God.. Day 2 devotions - Wrestling is an intense sport and requires every part of our body. It is impossible to remain aloof and unentangled from the opponent. The opponent will seize every opportunity to regain his advantage. No, in order to win the wrestling match, one must involve his whole body in combat, and be constantly pushing oneself to be better than his opponent. Jacob was engaged fully with God in wrestling and did not give up until he got what he wanted from the Lord. (It's not possible to get rid of Devil's grip.. because he longs to tear you down.. he just know when is the best time to attack you, so never ever give up, persevere till the end.. and of course go through it with God la.. Things will be much easier, and more tolerable.. Because He will help you, guide you and be there for you all the way..) It is easy sometimes for the Christian to fall into complacency, into a lull, when he fails to realise that achieving victory as a Christian is like being in a wrestling match. When one becomes complacent, he lets his guard down and the enemy or opponent can quickly seize the chance to gain an advantage in our lives. The victory we had achieved moments earlier could turn out to be shortlived if we do not keep up the struggle. As we deal with an opponent (the devil and our own sinful nature) that never sleeps nor tires, we can only achieve victory in Christ by constantly being on guard, and constantly struggling to defeat our opponent, with God’s strength. (Last time i always wonder why after a spiritual victory then i will experience dryness.. Now i know it's because of complacency.. Now, after camp, i have grown spiritually, i really wanna guard well and fight well with God and for God.. I no longer want spiritual victory to be short lived.. God, help me to fight the battle well, help me to keep up and even grow much closer to you.. i am afraid i can't keep up with the struggle, so help me and give me the strength and determination..) Finally achieving victory is also likened to running and finishing a race. However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace. - Acts 20:24 Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize. - 1 Cor 9:24-27 Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. - Phi 3:13-14 (God, keep reminding me of the goal.. Because when i have the goal in mind, no matter what obstacles/difficulties i may face, i can go through them powerfully.. i wanna beat my body and make it slave for you! Press on, for i wanna grow deeper into you.. Help me keep up with all struggles..) those who want the link to the devotions, here it is: http://reflectionsofadisciple.blogspot.com/

Wednesday, May 13

the unit C people are really nice.. they makes me feel home.. like family that kinda feeling, wouldn't feel very awkward.. i feel blessed.. :D i was thinking like although only went out with them like 3 times, i can feel that way is like woa! cuz i am a shy person! haha.. ya.. then get to know people takes a longer time.. oya.. coming to this point.. last time, i need quite long to be familiar with a person, but now no need so long already.. Not because i am not shy anymore.... but it's the initiative i have taken to know the person.. every relationship requires initiative.. the more initiative u are, the faster a bond is build, and the faster a friendship can grow.. (anyway, the more i type, the more i dunno what i am typing.. so if u understand the post, then great.. lol..)

Sunday, May 10

today sermon there's a point about signs for the second-coming.. the signs were quite scary, really can't imagine those points come to pass... so while wen jiang was talking about the signs, i was thinking, if i were to be tortured for 5 months, persecutions.... will i be able to hold on tightly to God? my reply to myself is yes.. but imagine that situation........ so now, i am gonna build myself up even stronger.. so that in times to come, no matter how hard the situations are, i will never never let go of God.. his love is the reason.. he can go thru all the sufferings on earth, why can't i? yup.. i wanna be ready for the second-coming..

Friday, May 8

Today was slacking while working.. and was talking to daphne.. she said one of her friends changed a few courses before coming to nursing in her school.. so in my mind i was thinking lots of things la.. like that person doesn't have any clear goals before going to the course that she wants.. so i am seriously very very thankful that i became a christian while i was in JC.. you may think like what's the link with being a christian and goals.. But the thing is that being a nurse was not my childhood dream or whatever it is.. when going JC, i thought my future uni course is like biochem, or anything along that line.. then, it's after a levels, the passion for being a nurse came in.. more of a burden.. if i wasn't a christian, i wouldn't have such a clear goal.. never in my life do i have a clear goal, until i receive Christ.. yup.. That's why i feel so blessed :D why do i wanna be a nurse? Firstly, it's because of my brother.. He's disabled, cerebal palsy.. I wanna be a nurse partly is because i can learn to take care of him better in the future.. and because of my brother, and the people in his school, i seek to help these people too.. after 16 years, i finally understood why God placed this brother in my life.. i love him lots, just will question why God made him like this.. But now i understood.. yup.. Secondly, it's because of my personality.. or rather spiritual giftings.. my spiritual giftings are craftsmanship, mercy, encouragement and serving.. so why u wanna be a nurse is because i feel for the sick, i feel for the people, and i wanna serve them in a way.. i wouldn't want to work in a private hospital, not in A class wards.. just wanna serve in the normal wards, where there's 4-6 patients in one ward.. or maybe critical care.. Thirdly, i wanna be sent to the under-priviledge countries(same burden as daphne), to serve there in times of need.. like the other time, ther's sars, medical teams were sent to the country to help.. there will be more of these to come(end-times), so i wanna be sent there to help the people.. and those were times where people will be lost, and are seeking for more.. (though there may be language barrier) that's why i am really really happy to be a nurse.. really happy that God gave me such a clear goal/vision.. If i were to go for the interview without this clear goal, i wouldn't have pass it.. i am sure about that.. So really really Thank GOD!!!!!!!! With Him, everything is possible.. He will guide me through everything and anything.. it's really a blessing to have Him in my life!

Sunday, April 26

i really really thank God for speaking to me so clearly during worship and the previous time... the more i try to do more for God, the more satan will try to tear me down, stop me from doing more.. so the more i should persevere and tolerate all the nonsense and love more, because i am doing for God.. For God! Change for the better.... yea.

Wednesday, April 22

i have to start from myself..... this is getting beyond what i can take.. Help me God! Lift the stone that is in my heart... Help me to overcome all these! If caring too much is a problem, den i might as well stop caring abt anything.... It's just too tiring.. I might just give up some time.. God, help me out in this....
From Daily Bread(i like this post):

I’ve heard thunderstorms in my head, and maybe you have too. It happens when a tragedy occurs—to us, to someone close to us, or to someone we hear about in the news. Our minds become a tempest of “what if” questions. We focus on all the possible bad outcomes. Our fear, worry, and trust in God fluctuate as we wait, we pray, we grieve, and we wonder what the Lord will do.

It’s natural for us to be fearful in a storm (literal or figurative). The disciples had Jesus right there in the boat with them, yet they were afraid (Matt. 8:23-27). He used the calming of the storm as a lesson to show them who He was—a powerful God who also cares for them.

We wish that Jesus would always calm the storms of our life as He calmed the storm for the disciples that day. But we can find moments of peace when we’re anchored to the truth that He’s in the boat with us and He cares. — Anne Cetas

Fierce drives the storm, but wind and waves Within His hand are held, And trusting His omnipotence My fears are sweetly quelled. —Brown

To realize the worth of the anchor, we need to feel the stress of the storm.

Monday, April 20

went for great eastern to work today.. until 8.55 den i clinched an appointment.. sometimes i tend to take certain things for granted when things come easily.. while working, we slack quite a bit.. but there is this prompting when i start work... He keeps telling me "be faithful with whatever u are given." it's like actually, other than being faithful with like contacts, what i am assigned to do, actually, i shld also be faithful with this work God has given me... after realising all those, God then allowed me to clinched one appointment... yup.. so really thank God for everything He has given me..
recently, i think i am overly C and also too observant... i really dislike it.. it is really very xin ku when ppl cant understand that feeling...

Sunday, April 19

i regret falling down.. now my hip that area very suan tong :X blame that friction-less slippers! argh...
oya.. during worship right, God reminded/told me smth very important la.. one of my spiritual giftings is the gift of craftsmanship.. so like was doing louis' card&present.. den i did till like 6.30, everything just seems so screw up, nothing is going right.. so i just go sleep, with that worried and frustrated mind... woke up at 8.30... continue doing... then after that went to ps mac, liting and mich help me out too.. the thing God told me is that He dun want me to do just because i have the ability, but it's that He make me screw up that time (the whole thing was nice in the end though) is to humble me, and also to make me see that without having the right motives for doing,(like i do because i wanna bless louis, make his youth days memorable.... but i miss God in some areas while i was doing the thing..) yup yup.. i was taken aback when God told me that... cuz i kept complaining ytd night..
today is a bad day...... i was rushing down the escalator at plaza sing, den i slip and fell... now my thigh there and my hip area all got that escalator mark, and my hands a bit plain... it's like quite pain now la... :( lol! seriously stupid la.. dunno how i fell.. the moment i fell down, the ppl behind me shouted, den i was super duper embarrassed, so i just turned back smiled at them and leave that place asap, as though nth had happened, though i was trying to contain the pain at that time... as for the service, i really need time to adapt.. it isn't easy to have the sudden change in the atmosphere.. yes, it's about the heart.... i should not let anything stop me from worshipping God wholeheartedly...

Friday, April 17

Others see God in us when we show love to one another (1 John 4:12 -- No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.)

Wednesday, April 15

this morning i called the office of admissions to ask whether i was short-listed or not at ard 9(lucky i can't fall back to sleep after got woke up by dunno wad.. no one was at home, no one called me.. guess it's God called me up.. haha.. most likely..) i checked, and realised the interview is like tml! and i have cg till quite late.. and the interview is at 12.. so i totally got not much time to prepare.. i was like oh no.. how? i have to rush to simei t take the internship letter, then have to go to do the verses thingy for the uni group's study kit.. so much to do till i was very scared that i can't have time to prepare my interview(my future...) but at the same time, i dun wanna skip cg, though today one is nothing much(go down encourage them, pray then go home). i was struggling slightly about this.. so i just go lohx.. now, i dunno what to prepare for my interview at all...... somebody help me!! i really really wanna thank God a lot a lot... for blessing me in every aspects of my life... it's indescribable sense of joy, sense of satisfaction, sense of love... is like i nvr receive any letter, so it shld means i am not short-listed... dunno la, just thank God.. :)
first time i did my QT by writing down.. now my wrists very suan.. wrote a lot a lot.. and i seriously wanna make this my habit (hold me accountable for that).. there's like many problems la.. but God gave me many solutions.. so i really thank God for that.. and today right, me and michelle were working at great eastern.. louis hor bu gan le.. it's like so cool, this girl(shan rui's sister, i forgot her name) she share christ to our superior.. den is like the convo was a bit heated, but still, she shared.. i was really really amazed and i wanna learn her courage.. though my gift of evax is super super low, but still, i wanna reach out to ppl.. because i really want them to find their purpose in life, the reason why they live, and also to live life to the fullest.. yup.. while i received the 2 job offers today, while i was slacking during the work, i thought to myself.. i really thank God for giving me flexible jobs.. though it doesnt pay as much, but at least i wun have to give up any time for cg, service all those la.. yup yup..

Friday, April 10

at least i manage to carry the thing out today.. i still fear, but not as much.. i went to liyin's house earlier, so i can prepare my heart.. who knows i reach there ard 10, only left with like 20 mins.. i was super worried all those la.. den li yin help me pray.. thnx liyin! and also, on my way to her house, i was found this verse [1 corinthians 1:18-31].. it really assured me a lot a lot.. at least now got slight improvement la.. lol.. i keep praying for my own heart attitude after knowing i was to lead testi(though it's like nothing to some of u all, but to me, leading with confidence is a breakthrough), i was super worried and somehow afraid.. i dun want to lead with the just-get-it-over-and-done-with attitude.. so i was like why should i lead? then God showed me many many reasons.. i was amazed.. that's why i wun fear as much.. before li yin prayed for me, i was like telling her why i fear so much.. it was then i realise the barrier which i really have to overcome.. it is i scared i will screw up the whole cg, i scared i will not meet the needs of anyone, i scared ppl will judge, i scared i cannot meet their expectations...... my goal/the area i wanna grow in(keep me accountable) is do for God, not for man.. Do because God ask me to..

Thursday, April 9

nic reminded me about nursing interview just now.. online state that interview is around 16-20 april.. but so far, we haven receive any single letter.. and it's like 9 april alr! i really dunno how! i am uncertain and scared..pls pray for us... i rmb praying this prayer, close all the doors that is not in ur plan, so that i will not be confused.. nursing is my dream.. if God really close that door, i will be disappointed for sure.. (shit.. my friend just asked me if i going nursing course.. what a timing!) i may even regret praying that, but i know ultimately He got the best plans for me.. so what i can do but pray?

Wednesday, April 8

was preparing testimony for the upcoming CG this friday.. after thinking of wad to do, i thought of what testimony to share.. just within this week, which is like only 3 days, i realised i got lots and lots to share.. i was in awe when i think of it.. i was like "why u bless me so much?", "why do u love me so much?" super amazed.. 1) during the kukup trip, spending time with the ex-unit ppl.. i rmb louis hor ask me if i had gone overseas with any other friends/school before.. then i replied no, only with my family.. then it's like my unit people is also my spiritual family.. spending time together is fun fun fun! looking forward to the next time.. 2) i am a low self esteem and lack of self confidence person.. before soming into this new cg, i was in the mjc pioneering cg.. i rmb i was leading testi that time, but was nervous (for dunno what reason) that i cancel whatever i have prepared.. because of the obstacles in my heart which still hasn't been overcomed, i dare not lead again.. i scared screw up again.. so i called my shepherd.. almost cried, when i think of this problem, the fear which i haven overcome after like 1 year plus! it's too long le.. shee ting reminded me on focusing on God and why i shld lead the cg roles.. thank God for her.. after that i went to prepare testi, den i flipped open the bible, den God showed me one chapter, which makes me reflect a lot.. after that i went ahead listing down why i shld lead testil.. hopefully things will be better, and i can get the courage from God.. 3) i was watching cartoon with my brother.. it's was lazytown.. i dunno why, i watch, then it reminded me of this scenario.. God will tell you what's the best things for you.. then satan know of it, satan will try everything he can to prevent us from doing the right thing.. create illusions, tell u lies to make u believe u shldn't do it, tempt u to make u do the wrong things.. it's like.. we shld learn to discern, something i am not very good at.. the stronger u are spiritually, the more satan will do to make u fall.. as God's ppl, we shld stay united in the spirit, so that we can keep watch over one another and satan will have lesser chance of destroying us.. and also, we shld spend more time with God, so that He can tell us and guide us, leading us to the truth.. 4) after kukup trip, we wanted to go shopping in jb, but we took the bus to the custom.. we can't get to the shopping centre after we went into the custom.. so we asked the policeman.. lucky the higher authority is flexible, and allow us to go through that no entry door, so that we can go to city square.. thank God.. prayer does works.. haha.. 5)my whole week is packed.. thurs, fri, sat, sun! i was shocked when my planner was filled.. for sun, image, i have to reach convention hall at 7.15am.. i am so dead.. complaining, then i asked myself, why do i have to go.. to serve! i dread not to serve, but the timing.. i think i have to wake up at 5 to reach there on time.. hopefully, i will have the right heart attitude before going..

Friday, April 3

Had stay over at kang li's house ytd night.. to celebrate michelle loo's birthday! she's really stupid.. haha.. oops.. after so we accidentally leaked so much info about celebrating her birthday, she still dunno.. haha.. thnx to louis.. the stay over was fun! it's really a fun time of fellowshipping.. sharing stuff, talking, playing, etc.. look forward to kukop trip as well.. Transferring over to uni service already.. Looking really forward to it.. i wonder how it is like.. heard from many, that the service is very different from youth service.. but the God we are worshipping, the God we are servng is still the same.. circumctances may change, but God doesn't change.. our desire for God shouldn't change due to circumstances as well.. Yes, we may not be used to the new envt, it may even affect us slightly, but we should learn to adapt, bring on what we have learnt so far in youth to the uni group.. our spirit of excellence, our desire to grow, desire to serve, all these should remain.. Because God is worthy! we grow because we want to be more Christ-like, not because of the envt.. We serve because we want to do smth for God, because God is worthy, not because of the envt.. Hope for the best, hope all those transferring over to the uni group will also remain strong, or even grow stronger in faith.. only up, not down.. pray for the best of everything =) Amen!!
Boys over flowers.. finished watching the drama.. so sweet!! just love that show.. haha..

Monday, March 30

can't wait for the new CG to start.. wonder how it is like, and who is in that group.. 14 ppl, i wonder how am i gonna adapt.. Today was super embarrassing thnx to nicole.. lol! starhub interview at starbucks..

Tuesday, March 24

today is the day where i looked through the msn contacts, and just talk to those ppl i haven been talking to for quite some time.. i feel happy.. it's like last time, i dun dare to click and initiate the convo just to say things like how are you.. i scared ppl think i am crazy, which some does! haix.. but i really feel the satisfaction by just talking to ppl i haven really see everyday..

Monday, March 23

frustrations... too much to handle.. i hate myself for being over sensitive.. it really sucks.. it's like i have to handle all those emotions.. if i am gonna reach my limit, i wonder what will happen..

Friday, March 13

i have this question in mind.. keep forgetting to ask people.. hope someone can give me an answer to this... my question is, why do people backslide? the people i am referring to are christians who used to serve hard, who have experience the love before.. if they have experience God's love, surely they will remember it de wad.. den why do they still backslide? [argh.. i dunno how to pharse it.. my english really sucks.. ]
i have decided.... :):) for nus.. first choice : nursing.. second choice: fass, social work.. why i choose? my goal, to help people.. for ntu, teaching.. i will go for that, only if all else fails... see where god wants me to go, den i will surely enter the course de.. yea..
my cousin send me this.. :) THREE THINGS IN LIFE THAT, ONCE GONE, NEVER COME BACK 1. TIME 2. WORDS 3. OPPORTUNITY THREE THINGS IN LIFE THAT CAN DESTROY A PERSON 1. ANGER 2. PRIDE 3. UNFORGIVENESS THREE THINGS IN LIFE THAT YOU SHOULD NEVER LOSE 1. HOPE 2. PEACE 3. HONESTY THREE THINGS IN LIFE THAT ARE MOST VALUABLE 1. LOVE 2. FAMILY 3. KINDNESS THREE THINGS IN LIFE THAT ARE NEVER CERTAIN 1. FORTUNE 2. SUCCESS 3. DREAMS THREE THINGS THAT MAKE A PERSON 1. COMMITMENT 2. SINCERITY 3. HARD WORK THREE THINGS THAT ARE TRULY CONSTANT - FATHER - SON - HOLY SPIRIT

Friday, March 6

i am glad that there's a prayer meet before we go to school.. during that worship, it's this vision God gave me that impacted me a lot.. He showed my that i am in a pit, or rather, i fell into a pit, and He came and lend His hands, to pull me out of this pit.. i think in that vision i a bit stupid ar.. always fall into that pit.. but in real life, i am not la.. lol.. it's so natural to fall into a pit.. and God has always been so faithful, and is always there to pull me out of that pit.. So that has really calmed me down.. like no matter how good or bad my results will be, God will definitely pull me through this time round..

Let The Praises Ring

Oh Lord my God in You I put my trust

Oh Lord my God in You I put my hope

Oh Lord my God in You I put my trust

Oh Lord my God in You I put my hope

CHORUS:

In You In You I find my peace

In You In You I find my strength

In You I live and move and breathe

Let everything I say and do

Be founded by my faith in You

I lift up holy hands and sing

Let the praises ring!

Oh Lord my God to You I give my hands

Oh Lord my God to You I give my feet

Oh Lord my God to You I give my everything

Oh Lord my God to You I give my life

i never really do well(just feel like jumping around and praising GOD), hopefully still can get into nursing.. just dun understand why everyone discriminate nursing! why??!! anyway, i just feel so lucky to have God and CG members with me.. that's the bestest thing i can ever have in my life.. I never do very well, but compared to my prelim results, i can only thank God for my current results, cuz by my own capabilities, i can NEVER obtain these results.. the test before prelims i got one S, all U.. prelims i got one E, all S.. my J2 results seriously sucks.. But this time round, my gp got E(luckily i passed, i have nvr passed this my whole life!), econs got B(i have never passed my econs ever since.. so thank GOD!!!!!!!!!), chem got C(i thought i will score well for this.. but nvm la.. at least got C i happy le..), bio got B(thank GOD once again! i have never gotten pass an E in my J2.. ), maths got C(i thought at least a B or A.. a lil' disappointed with this and chem, but still, i had tried my best, with some screw ups.. but it's over! so carry on walking the path God has already plan for me le lohx..), chinese got C(as for this, i seriously dunno why i can get C.. i always speaks chinese.. haha.. oral failed me man.. if not i can get B lohx.. haha), pw got A(thanks to the wonderful group members i have.. and because of that, shee ting also brought me to church, if not, i may not have even know her much.. so yup!).

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Wednesday, March 4

Beauty Tips

For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.

For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.

For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.

For beautiful hair, let a child run his or her fingers through it once a day.

For poise, walk with the knowledge you'll never walk alone.

People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anybody.

Remember, If you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm.

As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping others.

The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair.

The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides.

The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole, but true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul.

It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows, and the beauty of a woman with passing years -only grows!

written by Sam Levenson

Beauty Tips

For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.

For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.

For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.

For beautiful hair, let a child run his or her fingers through it once a day.

For poise, walk with the knowledge you'll never walk alone.

People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anybody.

Remember, If you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm.

As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping others.

The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair.

The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides.

The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole, but true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul.

It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows, and the beauty of a woman with passing years -only grows!

written by Sam Levenson

Beauty Tips

For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.

For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.

For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.

For beautiful hair, let a child run his or her fingers through it once a day.

For poise, walk with the knowledge you'll never walk alone.

People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anybody.

Remember, If you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm.

As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping others.

The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair.

The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides.

The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole, but true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul.

It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows, and the beauty of a woman with passing years -only grows!

written by Sam Levenson

Jesus says, “So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today” (Matthew 6:34 NLT). Use the time you’ve spent worrying for praying. If you prayed as much as you worried, you’d have a whole lot less to worry about. Whenever you pray, you should always pray with thanksgiving.
This story was quite cool.. a bit unbelieving, but still, i choose to believe.. this mail was sent to me by my cousin.. A girl went to her friends house and she ended up staying longer than planned, and had to walk home alone. She wasn't afraid because it was a small COMMUNITY and she lived only a few blocks away. As she walked along under the bike trail Diane asked God to keep her safe from harm and danger. When she reached the alley, which was a shortcut to her house, she decided to take it. However, halfway down the alley she noticed a man standing at the end as though he were waiting for her. She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for God's protection. Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped round her, she felt as though someone was walking with her. When she reached the end of the alley, she walked right past the man and arrived home safely. The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been raped in the same alley just twenty minutes after she had been there. Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and the fact that it could have been her, she began to weep. Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help this young woman, she decided to go to the police station. She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her story. The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a line-up to see if she could identify him. She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the alley the night before. When the man was told he had been identified, he immediately broke down and confessed. The officer thanked Diane for her bravery and asked if there was anything they could do for her. She asked if they would ask the man one question. Diane was curious as to why he had not attacked her. When the policeman asked him, he answered, 'Because she wasn't alone. She had two tall men walking on either side of her.
before last night, i was super scared about the results, tell i can't get to sleep well, keep thinking of how i will fare in A levels, bla bla bla.. just keep worrying and worrying.. i am just that kinda person who will think a lot de la.. so that night, the QT, i didn't read the bible, instead i prayed to God, cuz i was kinda worried, irritated, and many other frustrations.. As for the results, God assured me a lot.. Now, i really dun feel that worried or very anxious over it.. Yes, i care abt my results, but i am not anxious over it anymore.. But on that day, i wonder what will happen.. No matter how i score, i still wanna hold on to that trust i have in God, that He will provide a way.. There's this quote.. "When God closes a door, He leaves a window open.." valleys and mountains.. It's easy to trust in "mountains", i wanna learn to trust even more in times of "valleys"..

Monday, March 2

have to handle my emotions well.. recently, many things has affected me.. too many things till i dunno where to start from, or dun even know how to say it.. just feeling rather irritated, or even alone.. a level results are gonna be out soon.. 6 march, 2.30pm.. i am really very very scared! i know i screwed up some papers.. i am afraid that i can't even enter into uni, given my j2 results.. how?! i know i have to trust God more.. But i just can't help feeling that uncertainty.. i also dunno how to describe this feeling.. all these emotions are strangling me somehow.. God, just help me overcome all these!!!!

Saturday, February 28

today i woke up very early, cuz i got dreams of my a level results.. super scary.. i was so scared at that moment, everything just seemed so real.. i was scared, but at the same time, i got that assurance from God.. He said He hold my future, He has already paved my way long before i was born into this world.. i was afraid cuz i can't see my own future.. according to my own standards, i will never pass, i will not be able to enter into a course i want.. in addition, this course is only available in one uni, and there's only 75 places, though it's like a dumping ground.. i wonder how my results will be like.. i dread that day!

Wednesday, February 25

oya.. and today worship.. that main message really hits me a lot.. the one on the hands will not envy the eyes because it can see beautiful things, the hands will not envy the leg because it can walk,.. everyone plays a part in building a body.. everyone is useful.. that hands and eyes one, i remember is in 1 corinthians smth de.. so like since that's what's God says, i will rmb that well.. and also increase my self-confidence/esteem.. yup.. something i am still struggling with..
wanted to share this, but i keep forgetting after worship.. lol.. (just remembered) if u all see this, then great.. the last sentence of the song is "restore this dying land".. then God asked me this.. How desperate are you? If we are desperate enough, we will do anything to see it come to past.. He showed me this scene.. A kid and his parent in a toy department.. the kid will do everything he can to ask his father for a toy.. he cry, roll on the floor, keep begging the father to buy for him.. when the father sees that this boy really wants it, he will buy for him.. then another scenario is the boy don't really want the toy, but asks the father to buy for him.. he's not desperate in this case.. the father rejected him, in the end, the toys is not bought.. then God says if i am desperate enough, i will do everything to bring the people, courage to speak to them , fast, pray, ................ so i really am convicted to see this land grow.. i believe it will come to pass.. i have to increase my desperation to a much higher level..

Sunday, February 22

MCG was super successful.. i am so glad that people are willing and enthu to come.. i feel very very happy, dunno how to describe that joy.. But it's like very happy la.. the first mcg was bbq + sports.. 10 plus ppl turn out.. then the 2nd mcg is the watch movie + nebo + dinner.. around 8 turn up.. really really thank God for these people and really thank God for blessing us.. Pray that MJC will not remain a barren land on that ESS to come.. yea.. Oo.. one acheivement today.. i know how to cook curry chicken le, most likely.. So next time, mcg need curry chicken, maybe i can try out.. lol.. Rmb that bbq, when everyone dunno how to cook that curry chicken.. Haha..

Tuesday, February 17

troubled ar...
i need to learn to trust those around me more... giving benefit of doubt isn't easy at times.. i must learn to trust God in all times too.. be it ups or downs.. trust that whatever that has happened is for the good..

Monday, February 16

I Will Run To You - Hillsong

Your eye is on the sparrow

And Your hand, it comforts me

From the ends of the Earth to the depth of my heart

Let Your mercy and strength be seen

You call me to Your purpose

As angels understand

For Your glory, may You draw all men

As Your love and grace demand

And I will run to You to Your words of truth

Not by might, not by power but by the spirit of God

Yes I will run the race till I see Your face

Oh let me live in the glory of Your grace

Majesty (Here I Am) - Delirious

Here I am, humbled by Your majesty,

Covered by Your grace so free.

Here I am, knowing I'm a sinful man,

Covered by the blood of the Lamb.

Now I've found the greatest love of all is mine,

Since You laid down Your life, the greatest sacrifice.

Majesty, Majesty.

Your grace has found me just as I am,

Empty-handed but alive in Your hands.

Here I stand, humbled by the love that You give,

Forgiven so that I can forgive.

So here I stand, knowing that I am Your desire,

Sanctified by glory and fire.

And now I've found the greatest love of all is mine,

Since You laid down Your life, the greatest sacrifice.

Majesty, Majesty.

Your grace has found me just as I am,

Empty-handed but alive in your hands.

Singing Majesty, Majesty.

Forever I am changed by Your love,

In the presence of Your Majesty.

Majesty.

We're singing Majesty, Majesty.

Your grace has found me just as I am,

And I'm nothing but alive in Your hands.

We're singing Majesty, Majesty.

Forever I am changed by Your love,

In the beauty of Your Majesty.

Majesty.

As believers we are not defined by our past failures or by disappointment or by the rejection of others. We are defined as children of God! Therefore, if you are a child of God, you may suffer disappointment in this life, but you need to remember that as a child of the King, this rejection is a momentary bump in the road. You have a choice to either allow that bump to derail you and walk wounded, or you can choose to claim the heritage of a child of God and move forward in grace. Forgiveness of others and of self is a gift that you can give because it is the gift given to you by the Lord Jesus Christ (Ephesians 4:32).

Sunday, February 15

This saturday is the best valentine's i have ever spent.. as in, though there isn't many events, but just this special service and the unit's shepherds' meet.. The service is also great.. When i was ushering, i was amazed by the number of people who turned up and the number of people who converted.. it's really so cool, seeing so many people touched by God.. =) God also showed me a great burden, and also show me that I am important to Him.. That picture He placed.. Is just so impactful..
This bbq event is the most successful events i have seen.. It's not that the previous ones aren't good, it's just that this time round, the people who came are very responsive, and they bond very well with one another.. Hopefully, they have really enjoyed this whole event, and they made many new friends.. i pray that they will come for future events too..

Monday, February 2

what is your priority?

Wednesday, January 21

actually, why do i wear a cross pendant or cross earrings... not because i am so spiritual that i can wear nothing but that.. firstly, it's because i really love the cross.. secondly, it serve as a reminder for myself that i have to be a good salt and light.. thirdly, when i do good deeds or whatever good things, i want others to leave a good impression of God.. it's a happy feeling la.. and also, there are several times where i feel super guilty of not letting up my seat(lack of courage again!!), i chose to hide my cross.. it somehow remind me of God, that i should be a walking ambassador of Him..
was watching this drama recently 命中注定我愛你.. this thought just came to me.. when you really love a person so so so much, you will naturally wanna spend more time with the person, willing to give everything, sacrifice all you have(time, effort,...) for that person.. Then i started to question myself.. how have i been doing spiritually?? i said i love God.. but have i sacrifice all i have? for example, quiet time.. that's a problem i am still struggling with.. have i really set aside time for him? have i really sacrifice my time, in order to do QT? i don't think i have really put in the effort to.. i naturally wanna spend more time with God? or do i just spend time when i have the time? i know it's a serious problem.. one day, i will overcome this problem, together with God..