i really really thank God for speaking to me so clearly during worship and the previous time... the more i try to do more for God, the more satan will try to tear me down, stop me from doing more.. so the more i should persevere and tolerate all the nonsense and love more, because i am doing for God.. For God! Change for the better.... yea.

i have to start from myself..... this is getting beyond what i can take.. Help me God! Lift the stone that is in my heart... Help me to overcome all these! If caring too much is a problem, den i might as well stop caring abt anything.... It's just too tiring.. I might just give up some time.. God, help me out in this....

From Daily Bread(i like this post):

I’ve heard thunderstorms in my head, and maybe you have too. It happens when a tragedy occurs—to us, to someone close to us, or to someone we hear about in the news. Our minds become a tempest of “what if” questions. We focus on all the possible bad outcomes. Our fear, worry, and trust in God fluctuate as we wait, we pray, we grieve, and we wonder what the Lord will do.

It’s natural for us to be fearful in a storm (literal or figurative). The disciples had Jesus right there in the boat with them, yet they were afraid (Matt. 8:23-27). He used the calming of the storm as a lesson to show them who He was—a powerful God who also cares for them.

We wish that Jesus would always calm the storms of our life as He calmed the storm for the disciples that day. But we can find moments of peace when we’re anchored to the truth that He’s in the boat with us and He cares. — Anne Cetas

Fierce drives the storm, but wind and waves Within His hand are held, And trusting His omnipotence My fears are sweetly quelled. —Brown

To realize the worth of the anchor, we need to feel the stress of the storm.

went for great eastern to work today.. until 8.55 den i clinched an appointment.. sometimes i tend to take certain things for granted when things come easily.. while working, we slack quite a bit.. but there is this prompting when i start work... He keeps telling me "be faithful with whatever u are given." it's like actually, other than being faithful with like contacts, what i am assigned to do, actually, i shld also be faithful with this work God has given me... after realising all those, God then allowed me to clinched one appointment... yup.. so really thank God for everything He has given me..

recently, i think i am overly C and also too observant... i really dislike it.. it is really very xin ku when ppl cant understand that feeling...

i regret falling down.. now my hip that area very suan tong :X blame that friction-less slippers! argh...

oya.. during worship right, God reminded/told me smth very important la.. one of my spiritual giftings is the gift of craftsmanship.. so like was doing louis' card&present.. den i did till like 6.30, everything just seems so screw up, nothing is going right.. so i just go sleep, with that worried and frustrated mind... woke up at 8.30... continue doing... then after that went to ps mac, liting and mich help me out too.. the thing God told me is that He dun want me to do just because i have the ability, but it's that He make me screw up that time (the whole thing was nice in the end though) is to humble me, and also to make me see that without having the right motives for doing,(like i do because i wanna bless louis, make his youth days memorable.... but i miss God in some areas while i was doing the thing..) yup yup.. i was taken aback when God told me that... cuz i kept complaining ytd night..

today is a bad day...... i was rushing down the escalator at plaza sing, den i slip and fell... now my thigh there and my hip area all got that escalator mark, and my hands a bit plain... it's like quite pain now la... :( lol! seriously stupid la.. dunno how i fell.. the moment i fell down, the ppl behind me shouted, den i was super duper embarrassed, so i just turned back smiled at them and leave that place asap, as though nth had happened, though i was trying to contain the pain at that time... as for the service, i really need time to adapt.. it isn't easy to have the sudden change in the atmosphere.. yes, it's about the heart.... i should not let anything stop me from worshipping God wholeheartedly...

Others see God in us when we show love to one another (1 John 4:12 -- No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.)

this morning i called the office of admissions to ask whether i was short-listed or not at ard 9(lucky i can't fall back to sleep after got woke up by dunno wad.. no one was at home, no one called me.. guess it's God called me up.. haha.. most likely..) i checked, and realised the interview is like tml! and i have cg till quite late.. and the interview is at 12.. so i totally got not much time to prepare.. i was like oh no.. how? i have to rush to simei t take the internship letter, then have to go to do the verses thingy for the uni group's study kit.. so much to do till i was very scared that i can't have time to prepare my interview(my future...) but at the same time, i dun wanna skip cg, though today one is nothing much(go down encourage them, pray then go home). i was struggling slightly about this.. so i just go lohx.. now, i dunno what to prepare for my interview at all...... somebody help me!! i really really wanna thank God a lot a lot... for blessing me in every aspects of my life... it's indescribable sense of joy, sense of satisfaction, sense of love... is like i nvr receive any letter, so it shld means i am not short-listed... dunno la, just thank God.. :)

first time i did my QT by writing down.. now my wrists very suan.. wrote a lot a lot.. and i seriously wanna make this my habit (hold me accountable for that).. there's like many problems la.. but God gave me many solutions.. so i really thank God for that.. and today right, me and michelle were working at great eastern.. louis hor bu gan le.. it's like so cool, this girl(shan rui's sister, i forgot her name) she share christ to our superior.. den is like the convo was a bit heated, but still, she shared.. i was really really amazed and i wanna learn her courage.. though my gift of evax is super super low, but still, i wanna reach out to ppl.. because i really want them to find their purpose in life, the reason why they live, and also to live life to the fullest.. yup.. while i received the 2 job offers today, while i was slacking during the work, i thought to myself.. i really thank God for giving me flexible jobs.. though it doesnt pay as much, but at least i wun have to give up any time for cg, service all those la.. yup yup..

at least i manage to carry the thing out today.. i still fear, but not as much.. i went to liyin's house earlier, so i can prepare my heart.. who knows i reach there ard 10, only left with like 20 mins.. i was super worried all those la.. den li yin help me pray.. thnx liyin! and also, on my way to her house, i was found this verse [1 corinthians 1:18-31].. it really assured me a lot a lot.. at least now got slight improvement la.. lol.. i keep praying for my own heart attitude after knowing i was to lead testi(though it's like nothing to some of u all, but to me, leading with confidence is a breakthrough), i was super worried and somehow afraid.. i dun want to lead with the just-get-it-over-and-done-with attitude.. so i was like why should i lead? then God showed me many many reasons.. i was amazed.. that's why i wun fear as much.. before li yin prayed for me, i was like telling her why i fear so much.. it was then i realise the barrier which i really have to overcome.. it is i scared i will screw up the whole cg, i scared i will not meet the needs of anyone, i scared ppl will judge, i scared i cannot meet their expectations...... my goal/the area i wanna grow in(keep me accountable) is do for God, not for man.. Do because God ask me to..

nic reminded me about nursing interview just now.. online state that interview is around 16-20 april.. but so far, we haven receive any single letter.. and it's like 9 april alr! i really dunno how! i am uncertain and scared..pls pray for us... i rmb praying this prayer, close all the doors that is not in ur plan, so that i will not be confused.. nursing is my dream.. if God really close that door, i will be disappointed for sure.. (shit.. my friend just asked me if i going nursing course.. what a timing!) i may even regret praying that, but i know ultimately He got the best plans for me.. so what i can do but pray?

was preparing testimony for the upcoming CG this friday.. after thinking of wad to do, i thought of what testimony to share.. just within this week, which is like only 3 days, i realised i got lots and lots to share.. i was in awe when i think of it.. i was like "why u bless me so much?", "why do u love me so much?" super amazed.. 1) during the kukup trip, spending time with the ex-unit ppl.. i rmb louis hor ask me if i had gone overseas with any other friends/school before.. then i replied no, only with my family.. then it's like my unit people is also my spiritual family.. spending time together is fun fun fun! looking forward to the next time.. 2) i am a low self esteem and lack of self confidence person.. before soming into this new cg, i was in the mjc pioneering cg.. i rmb i was leading testi that time, but was nervous (for dunno what reason) that i cancel whatever i have prepared.. because of the obstacles in my heart which still hasn't been overcomed, i dare not lead again.. i scared screw up again.. so i called my shepherd.. almost cried, when i think of this problem, the fear which i haven overcome after like 1 year plus! it's too long le.. shee ting reminded me on focusing on God and why i shld lead the cg roles.. thank God for her.. after that i went to prepare testi, den i flipped open the bible, den God showed me one chapter, which makes me reflect a lot.. after that i went ahead listing down why i shld lead testil.. hopefully things will be better, and i can get the courage from God.. 3) i was watching cartoon with my brother.. it's was lazytown.. i dunno why, i watch, then it reminded me of this scenario.. God will tell you what's the best things for you.. then satan know of it, satan will try everything he can to prevent us from doing the right thing.. create illusions, tell u lies to make u believe u shldn't do it, tempt u to make u do the wrong things.. it's like.. we shld learn to discern, something i am not very good at.. the stronger u are spiritually, the more satan will do to make u fall.. as God's ppl, we shld stay united in the spirit, so that we can keep watch over one another and satan will have lesser chance of destroying us.. and also, we shld spend more time with God, so that He can tell us and guide us, leading us to the truth.. 4) after kukup trip, we wanted to go shopping in jb, but we took the bus to the custom.. we can't get to the shopping centre after we went into the custom.. so we asked the policeman.. lucky the higher authority is flexible, and allow us to go through that no entry door, so that we can go to city square.. thank God.. prayer does works.. haha.. 5)my whole week is packed.. thurs, fri, sat, sun! i was shocked when my planner was filled.. for sun, image, i have to reach convention hall at 7.15am.. i am so dead.. complaining, then i asked myself, why do i have to go.. to serve! i dread not to serve, but the timing.. i think i have to wake up at 5 to reach there on time.. hopefully, i will have the right heart attitude before going..

Had stay over at kang li's house ytd night.. to celebrate michelle loo's birthday! she's really stupid.. haha.. oops.. after so we accidentally leaked so much info about celebrating her birthday, she still dunno.. haha.. thnx to louis.. the stay over was fun! it's really a fun time of fellowshipping.. sharing stuff, talking, playing, etc.. look forward to kukop trip as well.. Transferring over to uni service already.. Looking really forward to it.. i wonder how it is like.. heard from many, that the service is very different from youth service.. but the God we are worshipping, the God we are servng is still the same.. circumctances may change, but God doesn't change.. our desire for God shouldn't change due to circumstances as well.. Yes, we may not be used to the new envt, it may even affect us slightly, but we should learn to adapt, bring on what we have learnt so far in youth to the uni group.. our spirit of excellence, our desire to grow, desire to serve, all these should remain.. Because God is worthy! we grow because we want to be more Christ-like, not because of the envt.. We serve because we want to do smth for God, because God is worthy, not because of the envt.. Hope for the best, hope all those transferring over to the uni group will also remain strong, or even grow stronger in faith.. only up, not down.. pray for the best of everything =) Amen!!

Boys over flowers.. finished watching the drama.. so sweet!! just love that show.. haha..