this blog is kinda dead, kinda busy so far, with all the tests, assignments and exams.. busy busy busy.. busy till something is missed out.. this exam period is a love-hate period.. hate because i just dun like exams.. haha.. who likes? need to study and take a test, coming out of the exam hall, having the feeling of failing.. however, this very first exam period in nus is definitely memorable.. besides the people who supported me in prayer (which i really appreciate it a lot a lot), i experienced God greatly, and my trust in Him about Him being faithful also increase a lot.. the trust in Him that He will provide, like how he did for my previous tests and A levels, really grew.. good or bad yet i will praise Him, for Him alone is the King of kings.. He is my hope.. i trust my final results to Him.. no point worrying about it now also.. yep. overall: good =D

God, i thank you for always being there. my tower of refuge.. my shelter.. my own failures are enough to drown me.. but you are always there to offer you hand to pull me up.. help me to get back on track, to the track that i should be on.. i failed you many times, many many times, walk away, or never even go to you sometimes.. but you are still there waiting patiently for me to return.. really am grateful.. Thank You God..

i feel like i am losing out, i feel like i never study or work hard as all my other nursing friends does... but i really want to thank God that He pulled me through these 2 CAs, especially for physiology.. I tried to study, but it seems like i know nothing. and i never read the day before.. like slept through the night... but i thank God that i passed.. really.. His grace and mercy... it's miracle that i can score this paper... Thank God thank God!

what to do????????? help me God, show me the direction, a specific one.. i really dunno how to do this... i feel so inadequate.. i want you to use me greatly, but now, i am struggling.. how God, how?? how to overcome this? what can i do to impact people? i really dun see how i can influence people..be it my sheep or my friends or my family.. i really cannot see it..... GOD...... i am so afraid.. it's just so uncertain.. i am very afraid when i see how hard my friends studied just now, but i have not started.. i am very afraid.. but i still know that you are always around.. i trust in your power to turn this situation around.. help me God, for i know i cannot do this alone..

Solomon’s impact on his people made me wonder about our contribution to the world. We’re not concerned about impressing others with our possessions or abilities, but we all should want to make a difference in the lives of people. What if there was one thing each of us did today that caused people to praise the Lord? — C. P. Hia

This is the wish I always wish, The prayer I always pray: Lord, may my life help others It touches on the way. —Anon.

Christians are windows through which Jesus can shine.

i want to be someone God uses greatly.. i do not have the skills or abilities. But God, i wanna be used by you, to make a difference in people's lives.. especially those who have not come to know you personally.. i want to put the interests of others' above mine.. i always feel inadequate in touching the lives of people, i pray that you can equip me with all that i need.. i want to shine for you, in the midst of everything..

worrying doesn't add an hour to my life. it doesn't even help.. i realise this after many incidents.. and finally, i learnt to accept this into my heart, instead of it being head-knowledge.. one is the a level period.. was quite stress, due to many many U and S.. but continue to trust and God delivers.. then many things happen.. recently i was super worried over anyi, how is she doing, when to meet her, etc.. but i worry and worry and worry, but no results.. just when i put that worry down, and trust God, she texted me back, saying she's able to meet me, just when the bus was abt to arrive.. so i went, and everything wsas good and fruitful.. i love the time spent also.. so the morale of the story is, give your worries to God, and trust in His timing.. i am still learning to apply this more.. but i have the trust that He will provide.. :)

impart, impact, influence.. my ideals..

I RECEIVED THE SGH SCHOLARSHIP!! FINALLY!! i seriously thought that it's not possible to get it already. cuz the interview did not went well.. but i am super amazed, how i can get it when the nurses doesn't seems convinced during the interview.. woohoo.. really really thank God.. seriously.. kick the tuition aside! haha..

today, god showed me a picture/vision during worship.. cuz i was worrying abt my sheep's problem. kinda dunno what exactly should i do.. plus i also cannot really cope with my studies.. so everything add together = stressed out... so i kept asking god since thurs. today me showed me something. he showed me a long stretch of road, which represents my whole christian life. this is not an ordinary road you see on the expressway.. rather, this road has smooth portions, the slightly rough portion, and those that are very rough.. christian life is not all smooth-sailing.. when jesus encounter a problem, he will stop, kneel down, and pray desperately... even if the road is rough, it's pain to kneel on it, but still, he will do so.. so i was reflecting.. do i pray enough? so i pray desperately? whenever i encounter a problem, did i stop to pray?

God, i really need the re-assurance, the care, the support, the encouragement..

i have no confidence at all.. not to blame anyone.. but every time, when i think something is ok, the other person will say it's not good, or cannot, etc.. not that i want them to fully agree also.. it makes me afraid to try to think more.. fear.. i know i shouldn't fear. but just cannot help it la.. haix.. disappointed at myself..

so much to read! so much that i find it impossible to finish it before exams, with so many commitments.. super super stress.. there was once, i was dragging my feet to one of the cg.. i really dun feel like going, just because of studies.. but every time i drag my feet to cg/unit/service, at the end of it, i never regretted going. cuz i feel ministered by God (every time) i know that if i never go, i will regret. weird.. but yup.. amazing.. it's really hard to balance.. i was thinking, how i endure all these things? the cost of following Jesus is so so high.. but still, i am willing to give in my all.. God, i am willing.. just guide me every single time when i feel stress/when i feel that i cannot cope with my studies and all..

a pure heart, that's what i long for, a heart that follows hard after thee.. a heart that hides your word, so that sin will not come in, a heart that's undivided, one you rule and reign.. a hearts that beats compassion that pleases u my lord, sweet aroma of worship that rises to your throne.

i realised after school term has started, there are more things to do, definitely very very stressful.. i could not catch up with the pace, and there's lots and lots of readings, preparation to do.. i was really very very afraid that i will not be able to do well, and also i scared that i will not shine for his kingdom when my results are bad.. i was so afraid of this and that, worrying about everything, that i kinda left God out while i am studying.. i really wanna thank God for being faithful, constantly assuring me, consoling me.. every service, cg/unit/subd meet, God will remind me of at least one promise.. this time round, during subd He told me, "remember my child, what i want u to give is what you have, give your best with your ability, i will do the rest.." i totally forgot about this while i was trying to study(nth went in though).. "my yoke is lighter, I'm the everlasting God, i can do all things" i just wanna rely on Him for the strength, the wisdom... i really wanna persevere, remember and focus on the end-goal,not those obstacles which are temporal.. Hebrews 12:1-2.. i really wanna fix my eyes on Jesus, who is the author and perfecter of my faith..

today was a blessing.. i cannot go for any of the life of christ seminars. cuz tml lesson is at 8, and my parents will not allow. but thank God that tutorial at 8 was cancelled.. and lesson will start at 1pm instead.. so in the end, they allow me to go! so happy :D i think today's seminar i've learnt quite a lot.. the part on His disciples doubt God's power despite knowing Him and stayed with Him for 2 years plus.. This happen to me to.. in a way that, i have said i experienced God before, His love, promptings, etc. But when troubles/obstacles come, i do doubt.. then pastor also mentioned about God's character. Harsh on hypocrites & _(i forgot what is it)_, but gentle on sinners. i really feel quite blessed to have God as God.. If you dunno God, at least give it a try, you will never regret.. and the collest thing is the anti-thesis part, where Jesus brings new understanding to thesis.. i think that's cool... :)

this is a burden God drop me last time.. i have yet to post it.. but i think it's really very cool.. i was watching this drama called absolute boyfriend.. about this robot made to love just one person.. at the end, he can't go through life with this girl that he loves. and he chose the sacrificial way, which is to scrap himself and to let this girl find another love, so that she can love normally. there's one part about him deciding to wanna be scraped... his creator, a scientist, was super sad, cuz he created this robot, and after so so long, he has developed a bond with this robot, treating him as a human alr.. so like after the whole show end.. lol.. i go do my qt.. like partly thinking of the show, but one particular image keep flashing through my mind.. this image is the sadness on the face of the scientist, where his robot has to be scrapped. God use this to speak to me in 3 ways. First, He showed me that this scientist heart is a little like His heart.. scientist create robot, God create us.. so like everyone knows that on judgement day, only those who believe in Christ will be saved.. so the rest who doesn't believe or those that follow satan will go to hell, eternal death.. these people are also created by God. God doean't want to see this happening.. Of course, He hopes that everyone will go to heaven.. but God is just too.. He showed me how precious is everyone... My sheep, my family, my cgs, my friends, etc.. by that time i was rather broken down alr.. then after that i can clearly hear(not audibly) God saying ¹⁹Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in^a]">[a] the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, ²⁰and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." i was taken aback. it's really very very clear to me.. i will never forget.. Go and make disciples.. go and reach out to people, freshman, family, friends,..... by placing the burden for family, he showed me that my attitude towards family members hasn't been very christ-like.. so like need a change in that area.. after everything, He showed me this picture of what will happened to unsaved people.. very scary image.. it's like people drowning in a red pool... it's either their own blood or the lake of burning sulphur.. but that's not the point la.. i just know i wouldn't want to see my family/friends/people from church to be in that last picture.. i am scared.. i wouldn't want to see my loved ones there! it's painful.. what's more God? we're all His loved ones.. all the more, He wants all to be saved.. so we should give in our best in everything we do, and in evangelising too.. make evangelising your habit.. evangelising can sometimes be just being a good salt & light..

woohoo.. i think the msn conversation with jean is so cool.. cuz she injure her leg, which i believe it's not by coincidence.. yup.. she was telling me it was super pain(outcome of not eating painkillers lol..) so i just took that step to ask her if she mind me praying for her over the msn.. she doesn't mind.. and she said come and bless me.. cool! so i prayed for her, and the next thing she asked me is to pray for her everyday... haha.. now she know that seniors and me were from same church, she understands the reason behind it.. and i think it is so cool! yup yup.. the part where it is a lil' disappointing is where she dun wanna come or rather still a little unwilling to come for service. one reason is becauese her family is catholic, so naturally, her mum doesn't want her to come to a christian church.. so the reason behind it is because they scared that we will convert her to christian.. and she wanna see her mood.. haha.. (later she mood swing how? lol.. jk) since God has brought this relationship to this level, i believe God will continue to grow this relationship to a deeper level.. i wanna trust God for more.. i really want more, for God to use me more to reach to the others, and also to give me more of His heartbeat..

5th august is my interview for scholarship at SGH.. i really do hope i will be able to get it.. so i do not need to worry much about expenses.. help me pray ok?

went for nursing orientation day today.. the most unexpected thing is to see jean hopping around with her left leg, as she injure her right toe.. and it's the lamest reason, cuz she accidentally kicked her bed stand.. then can't walk.. so after the briefings (we skip the tour), i accompanied her to the A&E.. it's just muscle injury/bruise only.. she went all out to do her boyfriend's birthday card la.. despite her current condition, can't even apply pressure on her right leg, she still go all the way to tampines to get people to write on that card.. lucky got another person accompany her to tampines.. but anyway, that's besides the point.. a few days ago, i opened my drawer and saw a new bible, still nicely in packaged.. wanted to give to a person who wanna come to know christ.. but so far, it's either they never come to know God/they alr have their bibles.. so today after i alighted at outram mrt and took the nel, around boon keng station, i forgot how, but i just suddenly thought of this wrapped bible in my drawer and what i wanted to do with it last time.. then i sense in my heart, wrap it, decorate it then give it to jean - when she's unhappy, feel down, afraid, or whatever circumstances, she can open the bible and read what God has promised her.. so i just started smsing her, if she has a bible, then she replied it was an old version (though all versions contain the same words, but i was just prompted to give her one), then i asked her if she will read the bible, she say never read.. but then i say i will give her one, then she replied if she has the time, then she will read.. so i think so cool la, next time can read bible with her, if she dun mind.. of course, must wait for the right timing too... yea.. Thank God for that prompting and that opportunity.. super happy =) anyway, i really wanna thank Ian for fetching us to the A&E, despite NUH being super near to NUS.. thank God for his serving heart, and the circumstances that enables him to be ablt to drive even for that short while.. really thank God for him.. thank God for the car too.. haha..