i feel so encouraged and affirmed!!! Calista, my OGM, say she enjoys reading my blog.. at least i have fulfilled an objective for setting up this blog, and that it has not gone to waste.. one of the objectives is to influence ppl spiritually.. and i did.. i feel so happy.. it's a kinda blessing.. i think god really uses her to affirmed me a lot.. really really thank god for this sister Calista.. haha.. u're reading my blog rite? :) almost all the hw i have not done la.. den i am like so so tired.. i asked god to help me to open my eyes, and refresh me.. haha.. then after doing econs case study(which is like so hard la.. grrr...) halfway, calista talked to me on msn.. den now i am refreshed.. yea!!

i wanna buy a new bible.. =) the old one i highlight until too messy alr.. i wanna buy this type of bible, i think it's nice.. but it's like 40 plus 50 dollars.. argh..

i am so damn slow!! haha.. after ushering for like so long(to me..).. after looking at that nexus seating plan for so long.. it's only today that i realised our 2nd service only have JC and central... argh!! too slow le la!! omg.. how??!!

i think this is useful.. this chunk is taken from one of my christian OGM's blog, calista: "anw, the purpose of me blogging is cox i just feel burdened by this thing called sensitivity. u noe sometimes ppl, out of their bluntness, say things which they think "it's okie" but actually it cuts u deeper than any knife. which leads me to thinking that living life is sth like walking on a tight rope. u've gotta be sensitive to the changes around you or else you're gonna fall, or you might even cause somebody else to fall. and most of the time man fall becox of pride. that at times when things go wrong, we're ever so quick to justify ourselves and put the blame on others instead of apologising. share with you guys sth which i learnt yesterday at leaders meeting... when things go wrong, regardless of whether it is your fault or not, be the 1st to apologise for it. it might not be your mistake, so you might feel indignant saying sorry. but who say u can onli apologise for the mistakes you've made? haven't you heard ppl say," im so sorry this had to happen to your family"? see! we can also apologise becox we feel sorry that this unpleasant matter had to happen. i guess at the end of the day, no matter how others treat you, whether is it insensitively, or being overbearing, how u think (which results in your response) is realli up to yourself. "

today i god spoke to me again!! to be honest la, i am on the verge of giving up my studies.. everything just seemed so difficult.. i just can't seem to get at least pass or wad la.. esp. for bio gp and econs.. so today i really prayed to god while ushering.. i was like god u must help me la.. wad can i do.. i really want to give up my studies le la.. god!! god!! den after i prayed finish, then the worship song "our god is an awesome god he reigns with WISDOM,power and love.........." den god spoke to me.. why didn't u seek me for wisdom, why didn't u ask for it? with godly wisdom, u can definitely to great things.. then the worship leader prayed out something about studies and being a good salt and light all those.. but then hoh, spoke to me in service all those.. only one "slap" i don't want.. i want more "slaps" during service.. i want more.. haha.. kim ask us to be greedy.. so this greedy should be can ba.. is it normal to cry after that "slap"?? haha.. in camp, in cg, in service.. 3 times consecutive.. i feel so crybaby.. haha.. but thank god for it!! i wanna cry more.. i dun mind.. haha..

today caregroup... the worship.. God spoke to me.. haha! he showed me: firstly, there's flood, then me and god was like side-by-side, i was like happy.. after that, is also flood, but this time, i was like struggling in it.. while struggling, i asked god where is he, den he appeared on clouds.. after that i dunno how, but i walk out of the flood, den walk up to the clouds.. haha!! he said "there will be lots of problems in life, but i may not be able to be with u physically to overcome these problems, but spiritually i will be with you.. i will always be with you, it's up to you whether you wanna go to him or not.." and the prophesy that part, after second song.. then, i wanted to share de.. but, i just feel so tongue-tied.. cuz i am the type of dun-dare-to-speak-up person... so after some time, sheeting shared, then someone confirmed it(i think).. then no one spoke up any le.. i still wanted to share, but still dun dare.. den i ask god, "god, if u want me to share, ask another person share lei".. after that, wei en start by saying "to conclude......" den i was like, "but i want to share, i dun dare... argh!!!!" den wei en shared what god spoke to him.. but i was thinking, after he share, i think he'll end the worship thing le.. the whole atmosphere is the kind of ending the whole worship session kind already la.. but then,!!!! rui lin suddenly spoke "to confirm the word,........." den i was thinking " wa god, i need to share le hoh.. rui lin is that 'another person' u sent right..." after that, i got the courage to share le.. i feel so stupid (after the worship) for asking god for this.. haha.. but in the end, stupid for good la.. haha!

tell u all.. that night, i think yesterday night ba.. i was brushing my teeth, den my stitches drop out.. so the gum around the wisdom teeth there open.. but not pain la.. (dunno why) den i was super scared.. i told my parents, and shee ting.. den they nvr really consoled me la.. (i am not trying to say anything bad..) maybe i dunno how to express out ba.. but i keep asking god, telling god.. like "God, i am very scared, how how??!!!" den i listened to my mp3.. before that, i prayed, "god, tell me how...." when i switched on, it was in the middle part of the song.. "Love unfailing, overtaking my heart, finding peace again, FEAR IS LOST, in all you are........." initially, i see the title of the song, i was thinking, "how can this comfort me sia.." but after that whole line came out, i feel somewhat comforted.. its like, god is telling me "trust in him, everything will be alright, den your fear will be gone"

My wisdom teeth extraction this morning.. haha.. that sleeping gas was super smelly.. but luckily, i just have to breathe in once.. and the doctors and nurses were very good and friendly.. after the surgery, my mouth and tongue was super numb.. numb till the extend, i dunno how to swallow stuff or drink anything.. thank god for the nice ppl.. lucky it's not those fierce ppl.. haha.. Pray for me k?!! must.. that tml it won't be very swollen and pain..(cuz the doctors say it will) if not pain/swollen and not giddy tml, i want go church.. i want.. i have to look normal (i mean my face) so that my parents will be convinced i am fine.. Ask in faith and i will receive that blessing.. haha..

Just a reminder: 1) Word-centered heart 2) Great commission mindset 3) Seed communities

This camp is super duper fun!! the most enjoying part is Praise and Worship, you can just feel God's presence.. I just love that feel.. the feeling of meeting God is just so peaceful, so calm, so loved, so WONDERFUL!!! for those who haven meet god before, i encourage u all to do so.. U can feel how i feel.. God, I love you!! I will never let you go ever again.. You are the lover of my soul, the author and perfecter of my faith..

i think that healing from God is super cool!! After the concert on day 3, quite a number of ppl were healed.. LiYin from VJC, she had knee injury, But was healed.. how cool was that man.. This shows that God is real, and can do things that are impossible!! Praise the Lord!!

God speaks to me big time in this camp!! i had always thought that i was insignificant.. firstly, i think that wad kim did, the cards all those, had really affirmed me a lot.. secondly, esp during the last night, god spoke to me a lot.. it hit me so hard that i really cried out to god.. He showed me all those ppl in the entire tpjc, which has about 1000 +++.. other Christians, stable ones, i believed is less than 100 plus.. Christians without a relationship with God are only christians by name, not by faith! Y-hope there's only 20.. 20 compared to 1000 is so little.. he told me that, so little were saved.. if i were to outreach as much as possible, there'll be ppl saved.. He also showed me how important am i.. He make me feel so burdened for the ppl.. Why? Why i wanted to reach to them, they just dun wanna be saved? Great Commission mindset.. and also god showed me a vision on the morning of 3rd day.. me talking to many other ppl, like mass evaxing that kinda feeling ba, but it's a lot of ppl... i was like how can it be? i dun have the gift of teaching lei.. but god spoke to me at night, like if he were to pour in the harvest, everyone will have to lead the rest..

omg!! i am taken aback, but touch by this go-all-out spirit of timothy.. what happens is i brought this friend of mine to church, who also knows timothy(same OG) and Gavin(same sec sch).. so yesterday, he was touched by the holy spirit, and say he can feel the "aura".. ya.. so during altar call, though he never went down, but he went for the NB talk.. gavin, timothy and me were deciding on a time or day to follow up.. at first is decided on sunday 9am.. but this morning, he told me he got training, and have to reach mac ritchie at 8am.. so i am like omg! how? den i told gavin and timothy.. so we settled on today.. 10pm.. i called zhan yuan.. he didn't gimme any confirmed response.. and told me he have parental objections, and was scolded severely for attending service on saturday.. but we wanted to meet him, and to help him out, just 30 mins will do.. at least spare us this 30 mins before he closes up to christ.. but gavin just sms-ed me.. he told me that timothy is now at hougang point(near zhan yuan house) the mac, waiting, trying his luck.. and he's gonna wait till midnight.. i really can see god's love through him.. this spirit of his really touched me.. and i really hope that God will at least let zhan yuan read that sms abt timothy waiting for him.. God, i believed timothy has done all his best, we leave the rest to you... Pls so some miracles, i believe if zhan yuan were to meet timothy for just that 30 mins, life will NEVER be the same, and that he can , i can see that potential of him growing strong in faith.. praising and worshipping the same God in Nexus!! Everything is possible! Lord, i have faith in you!

i read jasmine's blog.. the post goes like "GOd, i really wanna say this to you. without you in my life, i would surely die. can't live a day without you." i just thought to myself after reading that.. it's short but has impact on me.. i was like thinking, now i depend on God really really a lot, be it small things or big things.. What and how will i become when i live without God? i really cannot imagine that..

WHY?!! i feel so emotionally unstable today.. i dunno if i should post this, but i'll just treat it as a place to put up my feelings ba.. Lord, heal this heart, set me free!! i feel so burdened.. teach me!!

Pray Hard!!!!!! Tml's the LAST DAY!!!!!!

yesterday, i was watching dunno some show on tv with my mum.. den xiang yu, my DA, message me, say i have to give her the registration details by 11.30.. and the show ends at 10.. it's bad to walk off just like that.. so after the show ended, i immediately went to switch on the com.. the com was super laggy, so i juz restarted it.. den so many weird stuff came out.. the stage 1 of 3 stuff, cleaning volme stuff.. it takes about 20 mins or so.. i prayed that god helps me out.. cuz i really wanna do things for god and that i want more of these things in the future, and wanna be responsible for things la.. not knowing how long it take, i think of who to call.. i am afraid to bother some ppl, as they might be busy, and it's like 10 plus alr.. so i called ryan, since he's always free (that's what he claimed) and he seems to be online always.. but he wasn't at home.. and he was with kim.. kim helped me out, but there's connection problem... have to thank her for being so helpful.. =) by the time it was about 10.30 or 10.20.. 1 more hour, and i have to like send my DA all my unit IC number.. thank god that after i sms ryan say i find another way out, the com becomes normal.. so i started calling louis, james, and kang li.. i ask them to help out, on my mind i was like "omg.. this thing is like so last minute.. how???? hope they won't mind" i am super nervous when i called them.. haha.. but luckily, they are friendly, till i was taken aback, cuz i told them that i need it in an hours' time.. and they just said something like ok, i'll call them.. they're like so "on" la.. i think that's the essence of good leadership.. and they're efficient too.. before 11.30, they all managed to gimme the IC numbers and contact number.. it's a pleasure to work with God's ppl.. yea!! though i dunno lots of stuff, and keep asking xiang yu, but she still patiently tell me what to do.. so i have to thank god for placing a patient DA over me... haha.. cuz i am the "s-c" person.. haha..

i woke up early today! breakthrough ok.. i used to wake up everyday(as in during holidays) at about 12 plus.. latest i think 3 plus 4.. haha.. today i woke up at 7.30.. haha.. so i have to make my own breakfast.. i was like taking our the milo and stuff, about to make myself a cup of milo.. den i thought to myself, " should i drink milo first, or do QT first??" den i just said, "never mind la.. drink milo first la.. i'm so thirsty.." just then, God spoke to me,"is my words more impt than ur milo? am i not your provider?" and also one verse about living on his words as food.. or smth like that.. i can't find that verse though.. another word that speaks right into my heart.. i am looking forward to camp!! it's like super near now.. 2 or 3 more days!! those who wanna sign up, it's still not too late.. come.. it's fun!! haha.. the word fun reminds me of what nicole said to me.. about the games.. grrr...

today was supposed to be mcg.. but there are no visitors, so in the end, we had like a cg outing day.. we worship god in the middle of pasir ris park, on the grass patch (got ants one..).. this is super cool.. it's then, u feel super peaceful, hearing the waves and quietness, so calm.. i was like thinking, god's creation is just so wonderful, so perfect.. i think god drop me a word "i do my best, god do the rest".. did we put in our best, so that god can do the rest? he spoke to me.. yes me child, u have tried inviting ur friends.. but it's the kinda last minute one.. have u really put in ur best? i was like omg!! then we played volleyball and captain's ball.. haha.. kim was like screaming and shouting all the way, all thanks to bryan.. then, ryan tried to imitate her scream.. which is like super funny.. the way zhuyin run for the ball is also very funny.. haha..cai xuan lei, was busy snatching the ball, with her ....... skills.. haha.. the whole thing was fun.. yea we enjoyed ourselves a lot.. nevertheless, that''s not out main aim of the outing.. it's disappointing.. but i have learn that maybe today is just not the day, maybe god wanna see like how ready we are, so that when we are fully ready, he will bless us with the harvest..

haha.. i got reasons not to use de.. haha.. but now, i can le.. cuz i have changed my fasting to meat le.. haha.. today got struck me hard.. really pierced right deep into my heart.. u all know i am the introvert person rite, with ppl i dunno la.. then, it's like on the bus 109, on the way home after MCG, i was sitting down comfortably in my own seat, listening to songs.. den there's this child, she was standing.. i wanted to let her have the seat.. but i just dun dare.. ya ya.. i know it's something good.. but i just dun dare.. then god spoke to me.. just give up your comfortable seat.. but i just chose to not listened.. den i nvr move.. then he said again.. i love kids, to be like me, u should love kids too rite? shouldn't u let up the seat.. again and again, i chose to disobey his command, just because i am too afraid.. jesus is nvr afraid to do good things.. i felt burdened for the whole trip, and on my way home... when i got home, i thought thru it again and again.. i have decided to give in all that i can, to obey every single word he has spoke to me, or command me to do.. i will try all my best to never never be afraid of what he ask me to do, for i know everything he ask me to do is good, and has a reason behind it.. =)