at least i manage to carry the thing out today.. i still fear, but not as much.. i went to liyin's house earlier, so i can prepare my heart.. who knows i reach there ard 10, only left with like 20 mins.. i was super worried all those la.. den li yin help me pray.. thnx liyin! and also, on my way to her house, i was found this verse [1 corinthians 1:18-31].. it really assured me a lot a lot.. at least now got slight improvement la.. lol.. i keep praying for my own heart attitude after knowing i was to lead testi(though it's like nothing to some of u all, but to me, leading with confidence is a breakthrough), i was super worried and somehow afraid.. i dun want to lead with the just-get-it-over-and-done-with attitude.. so i was like why should i lead? then God showed me many many reasons.. i was amazed.. that's why i wun fear as much.. before li yin prayed for me, i was like telling her why i fear so much.. it was then i realise the barrier which i really have to overcome.. it is i scared i will screw up the whole cg, i scared i will not meet the needs of anyone, i scared ppl will judge, i scared i cannot meet their expectations...... my goal/the area i wanna grow in(keep me accountable) is do for God, not for man.. Do because God ask me to..

nic reminded me about nursing interview just now.. online state that interview is around 16-20 april.. but so far, we haven receive any single letter.. and it's like 9 april alr! i really dunno how! i am uncertain and scared..pls pray for us... i rmb praying this prayer, close all the doors that is not in ur plan, so that i will not be confused.. nursing is my dream.. if God really close that door, i will be disappointed for sure.. (shit.. my friend just asked me if i going nursing course.. what a timing!) i may even regret praying that, but i know ultimately He got the best plans for me.. so what i can do but pray?

was preparing testimony for the upcoming CG this friday.. after thinking of wad to do, i thought of what testimony to share.. just within this week, which is like only 3 days, i realised i got lots and lots to share.. i was in awe when i think of it.. i was like "why u bless me so much?", "why do u love me so much?" super amazed.. 1) during the kukup trip, spending time with the ex-unit ppl.. i rmb louis hor ask me if i had gone overseas with any other friends/school before.. then i replied no, only with my family.. then it's like my unit people is also my spiritual family.. spending time together is fun fun fun! looking forward to the next time.. 2) i am a low self esteem and lack of self confidence person.. before soming into this new cg, i was in the mjc pioneering cg.. i rmb i was leading testi that time, but was nervous (for dunno what reason) that i cancel whatever i have prepared.. because of the obstacles in my heart which still hasn't been overcomed, i dare not lead again.. i scared screw up again.. so i called my shepherd.. almost cried, when i think of this problem, the fear which i haven overcome after like 1 year plus! it's too long le.. shee ting reminded me on focusing on God and why i shld lead the cg roles.. thank God for her.. after that i went to prepare testi, den i flipped open the bible, den God showed me one chapter, which makes me reflect a lot.. after that i went ahead listing down why i shld lead testil.. hopefully things will be better, and i can get the courage from God.. 3) i was watching cartoon with my brother.. it's was lazytown.. i dunno why, i watch, then it reminded me of this scenario.. God will tell you what's the best things for you.. then satan know of it, satan will try everything he can to prevent us from doing the right thing.. create illusions, tell u lies to make u believe u shldn't do it, tempt u to make u do the wrong things.. it's like.. we shld learn to discern, something i am not very good at.. the stronger u are spiritually, the more satan will do to make u fall.. as God's ppl, we shld stay united in the spirit, so that we can keep watch over one another and satan will have lesser chance of destroying us.. and also, we shld spend more time with God, so that He can tell us and guide us, leading us to the truth.. 4) after kukup trip, we wanted to go shopping in jb, but we took the bus to the custom.. we can't get to the shopping centre after we went into the custom.. so we asked the policeman.. lucky the higher authority is flexible, and allow us to go through that no entry door, so that we can go to city square.. thank God.. prayer does works.. haha.. 5)my whole week is packed.. thurs, fri, sat, sun! i was shocked when my planner was filled.. for sun, image, i have to reach convention hall at 7.15am.. i am so dead.. complaining, then i asked myself, why do i have to go.. to serve! i dread not to serve, but the timing.. i think i have to wake up at 5 to reach there on time.. hopefully, i will have the right heart attitude before going..

Had stay over at kang li's house ytd night.. to celebrate michelle loo's birthday! she's really stupid.. haha.. oops.. after so we accidentally leaked so much info about celebrating her birthday, she still dunno.. haha.. thnx to louis.. the stay over was fun! it's really a fun time of fellowshipping.. sharing stuff, talking, playing, etc.. look forward to kukop trip as well.. Transferring over to uni service already.. Looking really forward to it.. i wonder how it is like.. heard from many, that the service is very different from youth service.. but the God we are worshipping, the God we are servng is still the same.. circumctances may change, but God doesn't change.. our desire for God shouldn't change due to circumstances as well.. Yes, we may not be used to the new envt, it may even affect us slightly, but we should learn to adapt, bring on what we have learnt so far in youth to the uni group.. our spirit of excellence, our desire to grow, desire to serve, all these should remain.. Because God is worthy! we grow because we want to be more Christ-like, not because of the envt.. We serve because we want to do smth for God, because God is worthy, not because of the envt.. Hope for the best, hope all those transferring over to the uni group will also remain strong, or even grow stronger in faith.. only up, not down.. pray for the best of everything =) Amen!!

Boys over flowers.. finished watching the drama.. so sweet!! just love that show.. haha..

can't wait for the new CG to start.. wonder how it is like, and who is in that group.. 14 ppl, i wonder how am i gonna adapt.. Today was super embarrassing thnx to nicole.. lol! starhub interview at starbucks..

today is the day where i looked through the msn contacts, and just talk to those ppl i haven been talking to for quite some time.. i feel happy.. it's like last time, i dun dare to click and initiate the convo just to say things like how are you.. i scared ppl think i am crazy, which some does! haix.. but i really feel the satisfaction by just talking to ppl i haven really see everyday..

frustrations... too much to handle.. i hate myself for being over sensitive.. it really sucks.. it's like i have to handle all those emotions.. if i am gonna reach my limit, i wonder what will happen..

i have this question in mind.. keep forgetting to ask people.. hope someone can give me an answer to this... my question is, why do people backslide? the people i am referring to are christians who used to serve hard, who have experience the love before.. if they have experience God's love, surely they will remember it de wad.. den why do they still backslide? [argh.. i dunno how to pharse it.. my english really sucks.. ]

i have decided.... :):) for nus.. first choice : nursing.. second choice: fass, social work.. why i choose? my goal, to help people.. for ntu, teaching.. i will go for that, only if all else fails... see where god wants me to go, den i will surely enter the course de.. yea..

my cousin send me this.. :) THREE THINGS IN LIFE THAT, ONCE GONE, NEVER COME BACK 1. TIME 2. WORDS 3. OPPORTUNITY THREE THINGS IN LIFE THAT CAN DESTROY A PERSON 1. ANGER 2. PRIDE 3. UNFORGIVENESS THREE THINGS IN LIFE THAT YOU SHOULD NEVER LOSE 1. HOPE 2. PEACE 3. HONESTY THREE THINGS IN LIFE THAT ARE MOST VALUABLE 1. LOVE 2. FAMILY 3. KINDNESS THREE THINGS IN LIFE THAT ARE NEVER CERTAIN 1. FORTUNE 2. SUCCESS 3. DREAMS THREE THINGS THAT MAKE A PERSON 1. COMMITMENT 2. SINCERITY 3. HARD WORK THREE THINGS THAT ARE TRULY CONSTANT - FATHER - SON - HOLY SPIRIT

i am glad that there's a prayer meet before we go to school.. during that worship, it's this vision God gave me that impacted me a lot.. He showed my that i am in a pit, or rather, i fell into a pit, and He came and lend His hands, to pull me out of this pit.. i think in that vision i a bit stupid ar.. always fall into that pit.. but in real life, i am not la.. lol.. it's so natural to fall into a pit.. and God has always been so faithful, and is always there to pull me out of that pit.. So that has really calmed me down.. like no matter how good or bad my results will be, God will definitely pull me through this time round..

Let The Praises Ring

Oh Lord my God in You I put my trust

Oh Lord my God in You I put my hope

Oh Lord my God in You I put my trust

Oh Lord my God in You I put my hope

CHORUS:

In You In You I find my peace

In You In You I find my strength

In You I live and move and breathe

Let everything I say and do

Be founded by my faith in You

I lift up holy hands and sing

Let the praises ring!

Oh Lord my God to You I give my hands

Oh Lord my God to You I give my feet

Oh Lord my God to You I give my everything

Oh Lord my God to You I give my life

i never really do well(just feel like jumping around and praising GOD), hopefully still can get into nursing.. just dun understand why everyone discriminate nursing! why??!! anyway, i just feel so lucky to have God and CG members with me.. that's the bestest thing i can ever have in my life.. I never do very well, but compared to my prelim results, i can only thank God for my current results, cuz by my own capabilities, i can NEVER obtain these results.. the test before prelims i got one S, all U.. prelims i got one E, all S.. my J2 results seriously sucks.. But this time round, my gp got E(luckily i passed, i have nvr passed this my whole life!), econs got B(i have never passed my econs ever since.. so thank GOD!!!!!!!!!), chem got C(i thought i will score well for this.. but nvm la.. at least got C i happy le..), bio got B(thank GOD once again! i have never gotten pass an E in my J2.. ), maths got C(i thought at least a B or A.. a lil' disappointed with this and chem, but still, i had tried my best, with some screw ups.. but it's over! so carry on walking the path God has already plan for me le lohx..), chinese got C(as for this, i seriously dunno why i can get C.. i always speaks chinese.. haha.. oral failed me man.. if not i can get B lohx.. haha), pw got A(thanks to the wonderful group members i have.. and because of that, shee ting also brought me to church, if not, i may not have even know her much.. so yup!).

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Beauty Tips

For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.

For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.

For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.

For beautiful hair, let a child run his or her fingers through it once a day.

For poise, walk with the knowledge you'll never walk alone.

People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anybody.

Remember, If you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm.

As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping others.

The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair.

The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides.

The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole, but true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul.

It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows, and the beauty of a woman with passing years -only grows!

written by Sam Levenson

Beauty Tips

For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.

For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.

For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.

For beautiful hair, let a child run his or her fingers through it once a day.

For poise, walk with the knowledge you'll never walk alone.

People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anybody.

Remember, If you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm.

As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping others.

The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair.

The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides.

The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole, but true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul.

It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows, and the beauty of a woman with passing years -only grows!

written by Sam Levenson

Beauty Tips

For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.

For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.

For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.

For beautiful hair, let a child run his or her fingers through it once a day.

For poise, walk with the knowledge you'll never walk alone.

People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anybody.

Remember, If you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm.

As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping others.

The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair.

The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides.

The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole, but true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul.

It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows, and the beauty of a woman with passing years -only grows!

written by Sam Levenson

Jesus says, “So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today” (Matthew 6:34 NLT). Use the time you’ve spent worrying for praying. If you prayed as much as you worried, you’d have a whole lot less to worry about. Whenever you pray, you should always pray with thanksgiving.

This story was quite cool.. a bit unbelieving, but still, i choose to believe.. this mail was sent to me by my cousin.. A girl went to her friends house and she ended up staying longer than planned, and had to walk home alone. She wasn't afraid because it was a small COMMUNITY and she lived only a few blocks away. As she walked along under the bike trail Diane asked God to keep her safe from harm and danger. When she reached the alley, which was a shortcut to her house, she decided to take it. However, halfway down the alley she noticed a man standing at the end as though he were waiting for her. She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for God's protection. Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped round her, she felt as though someone was walking with her. When she reached the end of the alley, she walked right past the man and arrived home safely. The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been raped in the same alley just twenty minutes after she had been there. Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and the fact that it could have been her, she began to weep. Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help this young woman, she decided to go to the police station. She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her story. The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a line-up to see if she could identify him. She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the alley the night before. When the man was told he had been identified, he immediately broke down and confessed. The officer thanked Diane for her bravery and asked if there was anything they could do for her. She asked if they would ask the man one question. Diane was curious as to why he had not attacked her. When the policeman asked him, he answered, 'Because she wasn't alone. She had two tall men walking on either side of her.

before last night, i was super scared about the results, tell i can't get to sleep well, keep thinking of how i will fare in A levels, bla bla bla.. just keep worrying and worrying.. i am just that kinda person who will think a lot de la.. so that night, the QT, i didn't read the bible, instead i prayed to God, cuz i was kinda worried, irritated, and many other frustrations.. As for the results, God assured me a lot.. Now, i really dun feel that worried or very anxious over it.. Yes, i care abt my results, but i am not anxious over it anymore.. But on that day, i wonder what will happen.. No matter how i score, i still wanna hold on to that trust i have in God, that He will provide a way.. There's this quote.. "When God closes a door, He leaves a window open.." valleys and mountains.. It's easy to trust in "mountains", i wanna learn to trust even more in times of "valleys"..

have to handle my emotions well.. recently, many things has affected me.. too many things till i dunno where to start from, or dun even know how to say it.. just feeling rather irritated, or even alone.. a level results are gonna be out soon.. 6 march, 2.30pm.. i am really very very scared! i know i screwed up some papers.. i am afraid that i can't even enter into uni, given my j2 results.. how?! i know i have to trust God more.. But i just can't help feeling that uncertainty.. i also dunno how to describe this feeling.. all these emotions are strangling me somehow.. God, just help me overcome all these!!!!