actually, why do i wear a cross pendant or cross earrings... not because i am so spiritual that i can wear nothing but that.. firstly, it's because i really love the cross.. secondly, it serve as a reminder for myself that i have to be a good salt and light.. thirdly, when i do good deeds or whatever good things, i want others to leave a good impression of God.. it's a happy feeling la.. and also, there are several times where i feel super guilty of not letting up my seat(lack of courage again!!), i chose to hide my cross.. it somehow remind me of God, that i should be a walking ambassador of Him..

was watching this drama recently 命中注定我愛你.. this thought just came to me.. when you really love a person so so so much, you will naturally wanna spend more time with the person, willing to give everything, sacrifice all you have(time, effort,...) for that person.. Then i started to question myself.. how have i been doing spiritually?? i said i love God.. but have i sacrifice all i have? for example, quiet time.. that's a problem i am still struggling with.. have i really set aside time for him? have i really sacrifice my time, in order to do QT? i don't think i have really put in the effort to.. i naturally wanna spend more time with God? or do i just spend time when i have the time? i know it's a serious problem.. one day, i will overcome this problem, together with God..

hey people.. How's school so far for you all? was it tiring? boring? or fun? i will pray for you people.. hopefully the pm is getting better.. if got chance, i will go and find u all too.. provided i can wake up.. keep your walk with God right ok? i kinda have the yi yi bu she feeling when i leave school.. it's not that i miss school, but i miss you people.. like can't go for pm, can't meet u all in school, plus leave the cg le.. it's a wonderful experience.. a really pleasurable family to be in.. tpjc, yjcea2, my first family..

God don't force people to commit to Him.. If love has to be forced, it's not even love anymore.. He will bless those with the willing heart.. WILLING HEART!! If u never put in your best in meeting Him, if you never care about that, what can He do? He dun wanna force you.. He can use other christians/your brothers and sisters to tell you, but if you alone don't move, how can you grow? Put in your best, God will do the rest...Put in effort alright? when u love someone, you will naturally spend more time with that person.. Do you love God?

If God is with us, who can be against us?? We fight from victory.. Not fight to gain victory.. anyway, pioneering.. It's an honour to be in that team, to be serving God with the others.. Pioneering is not gonna be easy, but what we can do is just to put in our 101%.. God will do the rest.. looking forward to the prayer walk thing.. But i will be in malaysia!! miss out a lot a lot.. the pioneer meet, the send james off.. haix.. how?! i dun wanna go.. miss 2 services! i dun wan..

testimonies are not meant to be shared during caregroups only.. every single day, just share it!! impact the people around you with testimonies.. i am sure that God will at least bless you a thing every single day.. share it..

i want to have clean hands, pure heart.. i want to be used greatly by God to influenced the others.. it'll be very tough, i know that.. But still, i wanna be used.. like today, my cousin came to my house to ask for some advices on the choices of school.. i was praying that God really use me, so she can enter the right sch, be it jc or poly, so she can be saved, though she's a christian.. i really wanna impact ppl's life, in a backstage way, that will help them grow even closer to God.. God, i wanna be used by YOU!!

when u reflect on the past, why things happen, then u will realise everything happen for good.. i dunno how to put it.. i always ask, why this this this happen when the situation occurs.. i really dun understand at that point of time, i was even very frustrated, angry, disappointed at the situation.. but after some time later, when this particular incident appear, i will come to realise that it happen for good.. God has His plan.. He holds the best plan, for He is the creator of the heaven and the earth, and creator of you and me! i like to spend time alone most of the time, partly because i dun really like to hang out nowadays.. and also because when i am alone, other than sleeping all those, i think a lot.. (may be good, may be bad) it is usually during these times, i will realise a lot of things.. this world is just too hectic.. there was a few times, where i was working.. rushing here, rushing there, super busy.. then God just told me.. take a step back, slow down.. ok.. this thing that God told me is not the u shld slowly walk, slow in providing the services.. but rather.. slow down! like take time off to reflect.. take time off to enjoy what's in store for u.. Do u realise that it's only when u really slow down, u will get to realise the beuaty of the sceneries, the beauty of everything? for me, it is so.. so from now on, i will reflect daily.. spend time lying on that green pastures, spend time with God, and u will get to know more things, like why they happen in ur life, at that particular point of time..

my new cg(w.e.f 19 jan that week): kang li, louis tj, louis vj, yin ling, nicole, li yin, jun wei, li ting, michelle, james, chloe and me..

you know what? today j loh announced the restructuring.. i know i will be in the pioneer cg, i know tpjc only got nic loo and me before the event.. i was a bit afraid, cuz i am a SC person.. i dun like new environments, and will take quite some time to adapt to it.. but the feeling i had that time was like, nevermind la.. just go.. but when i looked at the paper with the names on it(which j loh forgot to add chloe and me.....) suddenly, i got this i-regret-joining feeling.. mainly because i am afraid of changes.. But then, luckily, at that moment, God pulled me back to thr right track.. He asked me, why in the first place, i wanna join pioneering.. then it set me into thinking, thinking of why i wanted to join.. the reason is because God wants me to step out of my comfort zone.. i really wanna see the group grow.. and courage is something that i had always wanted to grow in.. So yup..

today, was watching the aeroplane disaster thing at shiwei's house.. this particular scene, where the plane's gonna crash, and the hope for survival is almost 0%.. a lady kept telling herself she's gonna die, she's gonna die, then she said she saw two other ppl, laying their hands around one another, telling each other good bye.. just then, God slapped this qns right into my face.. if i am place in a situation, where hope to overcome things/hope to survive thru things is 0%, will i still choose to pray and trust God in that situation? will i still believe that He is still in control? will i blame God at that moment? i was totally stunned at that moment..

today is the day i feel super burdened.. many many things just happened.. and i came to realise too many things today.. as in, all happen in one day, too much for me la.. haha.. abt the group, abt cg members, bla bla.. then i really worry a lot a lot.. then this point, mentioned in sermon, just came to me.. worrying brew emotions, it doesn't help at all.. prayer helps.. change ur worries into prayers.. which is the key thing to reduce your worries, and to provide solutions to your worries.. it's a clear win situation.. haha.. still trying.. i am the worry-a-lot kinda person.. so yea.. i wanna change into the pray-and-not-worry-so-much person.. =)

last post before i sleep.. today during worship, god reminded me about pioneering again.. "to this place u call me i will come, to ur sanctuary i will run".. many times, i fail to obey god on-the-spot.. i will think and think, question and question.. but i wanna be the kinda person, where god say do what, den i will obey immediately.. that's one of my new year resolution.. "i leave it all behind my selfishness my pride" i wanna be a person who will abandon everything to run the race.. dunno how to put it across.. like.. i wanna put my timidity, my fears, in order to commit myself into doing everything.. i fear leaving the current cg, i fear changing shepherd, i fear that i can't evangelise, i can't make it to cg always,........ the list goes on.. but today, i wanna set my mind not on my fears, but on god.. cuz god uses the imperfect, god uses those who have little abilities, god will add on to us, give us the vourage, the strength,....... and many many more.. so yea!

the things i wanna thank god for.. today i have work in the morning.. a few days back, i knew there was cg today, so i sms the manager to ask if i can not work today.. i waited and waited, then forget abt the sms(lol.. as usual).. till today, she never replied, so i take it as a "no".. and also, i asked another friend if there is anyone working for me today, he said that i have to find a person to take over my slot today, so that i am able to leave.. everyone who i can find, either has to work today, or they have their own plans already.. i was really lost at that time.. it's like i wanna go for cg badly, yet the circumstances don't allow.. when i woke up, i was like "shit.. there's cg today, and i got work.. how?!!!" i prayed to god, prayed that i am able to go for cg today.. today is the kinda days, where everyone will do last minute buying.. esp for those ppl buying textbooks (can't they just buy earlier?).. so it's kinda impossible for me to leave.. while packing my bag, i believed in god, that i will be able to go for cg.. so i just took my t shirt, fbt and sandals along with me to work.. on my way to work, i was really afraid that i might not be able to go for cg again.. i prayed, and hold on to the mustard seed faith that i had.. it's kinda the child like faith.. reflecting on my faith just now, it's like the kind of i believe god allow me to come, nothing bad can happen.. somehow trust that He will make a way no matter what.. so i was kinda motivated.. then you know what?! i went step into the shop.. then i put my bag down, punch the card, then walk over to the usual place(text counter).. then my friend asked me why am i here, then he said "i thought catherine has take over you already?" at that moment, i was super happy.. though tired, but deep in my heart, i thank god for everything!!! so i just worked till 2, cuz cg's starts at 2.. i dun care if the manager wanna pay me for that slot, but i am just happy la.. and also.. at 2.30, i waited for the bus to take to tampines.. on the way there, it started raining heavily.. so i prayed and prayed for the rain to stop.. when i alighted, there wasn't rain, and when i walked to t-mart, it wasn't raining.. then, after some time, it rained heavily.. it was the time when we were abt to leave for melvin's house.. it's impossible to cross the road without getting drenched.. so i prayed that god hold the rain.. it's that small little faith that i had, the rain stopped almost immediately.. i was taken aback, was so amazed by God.. He is indeed the one and only one who can control everything.. if god is for us, who can be against us? =)

wa.. adult fare really sucks.. i didn't even realise today was the start of the adult fare.. i still happily tap my card, when i heard that the beep sound is not the same as before.. every bus i take, i was like so xin tong.. haha.. cg at tampines, so, to go home, i have to change 3 buses.. oh man..

and also the care group covenants... 1) the covenant of affirmation and acceptance : I pledge to accept you no matter what you have done, are doing, or will do. I may not agree with your every action, but i will attempt to love you as a child of God and do all i can to express God's affirming love. I need you. 2) the covenant of feedback : I will attempt to mirror back to you what i am hearing you say and what you are feeling. If this means risking pain for either of us, I will trust our relationship enough to take the risk, realising it is in speaking the truth in love that we will grow up in every way into Christ who is the head. I will try to express this feedback in a sensitive and controlled manner, in keeping with the circumstances. 3) the covenant of honesty : i agree to strive to become more open and honest person, to share my true opinions, feelings, struggles, joys and hurts... as well as i am able. i will trust you with all my dreams and problems. 4) the covenant of sensitivity : even as i desire to be known and understood by you, i pledge to be sensitive to you and your needs to the best of my availability. i will try to hear you, see your point of view, understand your feelings, and draw you out of possible discouragement or withdrawal. 5) the covenant of availability: everything i have - time, energy, possessions - is at your disposal if you have a need... to the limit of my resources. as a part of this availability, i pledge to meet with you in this group on a regular basis. 6) the covenant of prayer : i promise to pray for you regularly. 7) the covenant of confidentiality : i would keep whatever is shared within the confines of this group. however i acknowledge that our pastor is the shepherd of the flock, and we need o be accountable to him. i vow not to push you to share things about yourself that you would prefer to keep undisclosed. this will be my covenant to the people around me, especially my care group members..

i was reading the CLC1 book.. i chanced upon this.. characteristics of covenantal relationship found in DMM: courageous, persevering, full commitment, recognise God's anointing through covenantal friendship, spend time together, loyal, willing to sacrifice, not take advantage, trust, love and appreciation..

there one incident.. i just wanna blog about it.. my paternal side, i have 3 cousins of about the same age, who i am closer to.. they are aloysius, nigel and eleanor.. of these 3, nigel and eleanor are christians.. nigel is a strong christian.. eleanor, i didn't really find out much.. i tried inviting aloysius down to services / mcgs many times, but always got rejected, plus he is totally shut off to the idea of christianity.. i am really concerned about his salvation.. so yesterday or a few days ago, i was telling nigel about this.. He said what we can do is only to pray.. just a short convo.. He makes me feel that i am really not alone in this.. ya.. so i really thank God for this.. nigel is a testimony.. he really changed a lot after he became a christian, and his siblings and relatives saw the difference.. this coming 31st, there will be a gathering at one of my aunt's house.. gonna see him there.. so i am gonna ask him share to me how God has changed him.. omg.. i am so excited now!! =)

i wanna be a part of the march of the unqualified.. no one is perfect.. God uses those the weak, so that when he is strong, he can boldly say that it is God who made him strong, and also it will be more evident to the others around.. i have many many flaws in life.. but i really really want God to use me.. God, show me how i can serve you more.. in the area of pioneering, i really dunno what to do.. i am really very confused.. in camp, u told me, that i should pioneer, cuz i have to step out of my comfort zone, and courage, and i can use the little that i have.. i don't have much qualities, i'm aware of that.. what's stopping me is availability and lack of evangelism know-how.. i know these shouldn't stop me.. but i just can't help worrying.. from now, i am gonna ask til i receive an answer to all these.. =) God uses imperfect vessels.. God just told me.. He will equip me with whatever i need, so long as i have the faith..

anyway, zhu yin is sick.. so please pray for her, that she will recover by tml, and able to come for service.. through difficulties, it will increase her faith to a greater height..